US TV

In the US: Mondays, 8.30c/7.30c, NBC. Begins January 4
In the UK: Not yet acquired

Don’t know what a telenovela is? Well, I’ve already written quite a bit about them, so why not head off to my review of a much better show, Jane The Virgin, to find out what they’re all about. Then come back here.

All clued up? Cool.

Right, now you know what a telenovela is, you might be annoyed at having done all that cramming to learn that despite the name, Telenovela is not really a telenovela. Jane The Virgin is. Jane The Virgin understands telenovelas. Telenovela doesn’t.

Or at least it doesn’t want to be a telenovela. It wants to cash in on the name. It wants to ‘homage’ telenovelas. It wants to have evil twins, passionate romances between ex-lovers and rivalries between jealous women. But it wants all those things as sidelines to an otherwise very conventional TV sitcom.

And by TV sitcom, I mean a sitcom set behind the scenes of a TV show. Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives) plays Ana Sofia Calderon, the star of fake telenovela Las Leyes de Pasión. In a bid to boost the ratings, network executive Zachary Levi (Chuck, Thor 2, Heroes Reborn) hires her ex-husband Jencarlos Canela (Más Sabe el Diablo, Pasión prohibida, Mi corazón insiste en Lola Volcán) in the hope that sparks will fly – or that the paparazzi will, at least.

And for the first episode at least, when it’s actually working that plotline, Telenovela isn’t half bad, is semi-appealing and clever, and is even funny at times. Eva Longoria may have spent the past few years behind the camera producing shows rather than starring in them, but she’s not forgotten what it takes to be a real screen presence – she makes everything look effortless while working the funny for all it’s worth, happy even to Sandra Bullock up and fall down a lot if the plot requires it. Canela is a good foil for her and the supporting cast, which includes Amaury Nolasco (Prison Break, Work It, Chase), isn’t exactly going for subtle (how could they be?), but services the needs of the script well.

The trouble is that what makes a telenovela a telenovela is a fixed story: a beginning, a middle and an end, with a plot that takes everything from A to Z driving each episode, usually through insanely mental territory. And Telenovela doesn’t want that. So as soon as we clear the first episode, we’re immediately in standalone territory. Yes, there’s an evil twin to deal with, but it’s a b-plot that affects only that episode and the almost touching rekindled romance between Longoria and Canela from the first episode is thrown aside in favour of a dafter plot about his having a stuntwoman rather than a stuntman for his scenes.

In fact, it’s readily apparent that the show has no real foundation, no real idea what it wants to be doing with its life, rather than to say ‘telenovela’ a lot and hope that people will watch it as a result. Liked all that joking in the first episode about Longoria not speaking Spanish fluently, while everyone else, even Levi, can? It’s gone. Romance? Gone. Politicking behind the scenes? Gone. Jokes? Gone. Pratfalls? Gone. Collapsing dresses? Gone… but not like that.

That’s traditional US TV, not telenovela territory. 

So it’s a distinct thumbs down from me. Longoria and pretty much everyone in the cast can do a lot better than this. And so can you – watch Jane The Virgin. That’s on Mondays, too. This is just the evil twin.