Classic TV

Classic shows that have almost been forgotten, as well as shows that should probably have been forgotten

Classic TV

Weird old title sequences: Space: 1999

15 September 2009 Rob Buckley 11 Comments

Space: 1999

Look up into the sky. Is there a round, silvery shape there? No, of course not. As we all know, the Moon left the Earth’s orbit back in 1999 following a cataclysmic nuclear explosion caused by waste from Moonbase Alpha going into chain reaction.

That, at least, was the scenario painted in Space: 1999, even if it – obviously – never came to pass. Made by Gerry Anderson, originally to be the second season of his earlier live action show UFO, Space: 1999 was a mix of many elements, some good, some bad. On the one hand, it did have some fantastic model work, cinematography and sets, the likes of which probably haven’t been bettered.

On the other hand, the acting was dreadful, and the plots… oh, the plots. They were concept sci-fi: great big ideas about philosophy, the universe, etc, but handled so badly, and usually with a plastic-looking monster, that it was impossible to regard them with any seriousness, particularly since the science part of the science-fiction was so ineptly handled.

The show was also hampered by having husband and wife team Martin Landau and Barbara Bain as the two leads. Okay, they’d been fine on Mission: Impossible but their marriage was now breaking down and they could barely stand the sight of each other. Therefore, zero chemistry between the leads.

After a first, not terribly successful series, a new producer was brought on board to help boost the ratings. Unfortunately, they brought on board Fred Freiberger, the US TV producer responsible for the changes made to season 3 of Star Trek that got it cancelled, and who went on to make the changes to The Six Million Dollar Man that got it cancelled. So despite the introduction of hot, shape-changing alien Maya, and an Italian lothario, guess what happened to the proposed season three.

During this time, Space: 1999 went through a couple of title sequences. For the first season, we got the funky disco theme coupled with the “This episode” (did you miss that? We said “This episode”, loser!) montage of highlights that Ronald D Moore copied for Battlestar Galactica. It also (weirdly enough) had Barbara Bain on a turntable.

Season two grabbed itself a whole new set of titles and a new theme. It wasn’t as cool, didn’t have Barbara Bain on a turntable, and it had a stupid “Red alert” on it. But it was more action packed and it did explain the plot.

These, however, were not the weirdest title sequences for Space: 1999. In overseas markets, there were completely different sets of titles that pioneered whole new areas of weird. The Japanese set was perhaps the least weird, since all they did was add a really odd new electronic/lounge theme to the first season titles.

No, for absolute weirdness, you had to go to Italy and watch Spazio: 1999‘s second season titles.

Classic TV

Weird old title sequences: Project UFO

8 September 2009 Rob Buckley 3 Comments

UFOs. What the hell are they? Well, as Chris Moyles recently pointed out to Robbie Williams, they’re Unidentified Flying Objects. That’s right, by definition, if we knew what they were, they wouldn’t be UFOs, so stop pretending you, like, know anything about them, right.

Back in the distant past (the 50s, 60s, and 70s), when everyone who looked up into the sky and saw something they didn’t recognise (eg a planet, a star, a plane, another plane, yet another plane) and seemed to think

  1. They’d seen a flying saucer
  2. We’d want to know they’d seen a flying saucer

the US air force decided to investigate the reports everyone filed – at great cost to the US taxpayer. The investigation was called Project Bluebook and after years of work, found absolutely nothing to prove that UFOs=flying saucers from beyond the seventh galaxy.

Presumably to reassure the US taxpayer that all the effort and money spent on looking for aliens during those heady days of gas crises and stagflation wasn’t wasted, the USAF agreed to help produce a TV series dramatising some of these investigations. It was called Project UFO.

The basic format was as follows:

  1. Some dweeb out in the backwoods somewhere sees something that looks like a spaceship
  2. He or she reports it to USAF
  3. Two USAF officers (different depending on the show’s season) turn up at the scene of the sighting
  4. They find strange stuff
  5. They ask around town to find out what kind of dweeb they’re dealing with
  6. An entirely plausible rational explanation for the sighting presents itself
  7. They go back to their base and report their inconclusive results
  8. In a major sop by the producers to wacko UFO believers, the USAF officers suddenly realise they’d overlooked something and it was probably a flying saucer from beyond the seventh galaxy after all

And that’s basically every episode for two seasons. Nevertheless, to impressionable people like seven-year old MediumRob, it was absolutely terrifying and convincing since it was "based on real events". Now? Not so much.

Anyway, the show, to give itself an air of verisimilitude, had a lengthy, wordy intro title sequence explaining its ‘truthful’ origins. But the titles were creepy arsed construction diagrams of UFOs that people HAD DEFINITELY SEEN. DEFINITELY. OH YES. YES, THE ALIENS DID HAVE THE FACES OF HORSES. IT’S TRUE.

Behold then, the weird old title sequence for Project UFO. Don’t have nightmares.

Weird old titles: Star Maidens

1 September 2009 Rob Buckley 1 Comment

Imagine a world run by women, where men – or at least Gareth Thomas – are slaves.

No need. Germany has already thought of it for you and turned it into 70s rubbish, Star Maidens, a show with spaceships correctly shaped according to Freudian theory. Here, for your delectation, is the opening introduction that served as the titles to the marvel that was Star Maidens.

I dare you to avoid rolling your eyes once.

Classic TV

Weird old title sequences: Callan

25 August 2009 Rob Buckley 5 Comments

In the discussions that some people have about which is the best ever spy TV series – and sometimes even best ever TV series – the competition among the cognoscenti and connoisseurs usually takes in two shows: The Sandbaggers and Callan.

The two have much in common and it’s often just a question of taste as to which comes out top. Both deal with the world of British intelligence. Both are very gritty, featuring some of the unpleasant harshness faced by spies on the front line of the cold war. Both feature ruthless bosses and more compassionate agents.

While The Sandbaggers was more interested in the politics and the intrigues surrounding spy work, however, Callan was more interested in its effects on people and the the kind of people who become involved in spy work. It featured future Equalizer Edward Woodward as ‘David Callan’ (not his real name), an ex-soldier and quiet, ordinary working class man who would have been quite happy to have been a clerk and play war games with toy soldiers at the weekend.

However, he – and British intelligence’s dirty tricks department ‘The Section’ – finds himself to be singularly qualified for one thing: being a killer for the state. Although he has to indulge in other unpleasantness, such as blackmail, breaking and entering, torture, theft and more, Callan’s true skills lie in inflicting pain and shooting people, something he’s reluctant to do but knows that if he ever quit his job, he’d find himself in one of The Section’s ‘red files’, just like all his victims.

Although the plots are usually nail-biting, most of the intrigue is in the character relationships and what they tell us about spies and intelligence work in general. We see the difference between Callan and his two colleagues – posh psychopath Meres (Anthony Valentine) and dandy-esque hard man Cross (Patrick Mower), who are both far happier to do as they’re told, no matter what it involves. We also see how he deals with his ever-changing series of bosses, all of whom are given the soubriquet ‘Hunter’. The relationship, however, is always of the upper class boss, remote from the effects of the decisions that the defiant working class Callan has to implement. There’s also Callan’s best friend, Lonely, a petty thief, whom Callan uses and abuses in his work.

The show is also well known for its famous, iconic title sequence (hence today’s blog entry), with its sad, down-at-heel theme tune. Queue the swinging light bulb:

I’ve also included this little gem of a scene from the first episode of the third series, Where Else Could I Go? (the first one in colour), in which Callan, just returning to duty after having been shot by Meres at the end of the second series for shooting the previous ‘Hunter’, finds the new Hunter unsure whether Callan is up to the job any more or whether he’s lost his killer instinct and become a ‘gutless wonder’. The entire episode revolves around Hunter’s manipulation of Callan and the people around him to see if he can be pushed into regaining his aggressive tendencies. Notably, it’s only when best pal Lonely starts pushing Callan around as well that Callan finally snaps and becomes his old self:

You can still get the third and fourth series on DVD (the third has just been released in the US), but the superb first two black and white series are incomplete and unavailable (unless you know where to look). Double O Section has a review of the third series DVD that should give you an even fuller analysis of the wonders of Callan

Classic TV

Weird old holiday titles: The Tomorrow People

18 August 2009 Rob Buckley 9 Comments

The Tomorrow People

When it comes to weird old title sequences, they don’t come much weirder than The Tomorrow’s People. For a show that was basically:

  1. At first glance, an attempt by ITV to come up with a competitor to Doctor Who
  2. At second glance, a sci-fi metaphor for teenagers discovering they’re gay and coming to terms with their sexuality
  3. At third glance, a way for dirty old men to see lots of young boys without many clothes getting tied up a lot by blokes in black face masks
  4. Something for which everyone involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves

It didn’t half have some great titles.

For those not in the know, the Tomorrow People were the next stage in human evolution – Homo Superior rather than Homo Sapiens, or ‘saps’ as the condescending twonks liked to call everyone else. Capable of telekinesis, mindreading and teleportation, among other tricks, they were normal teenagers until they ‘broke out’ and started exhibiting powers. They’d then end up being nurtured by the other Tomorrow People in an underground spaceship called TIM, while mean, nasty homophobic aliens try to take advantage of them, either here or after they’ve ‘jaunted’ to some other alien planet full of young Tomorrow People who don’t wear many clothes.

With probably only one decent story in its near-decade long run, The Tomorrow People had appalling special effects, some terrible scripts (including one in which Hitler was revealed to have been a slimey green intergalactic conman), some abysmal acting, Peter Davison wearing nothing but an afro wig and gold lamé underpants at one point, and – lest it be forgotten – puppets for aliens. It was pants, basically.

Despite this, it’s fondly remembered, and was revived in the 90s with some bloke off Neighbours, much better special effects and another guy who went on to appear in Battlestar Galactica. It even ended up with a Big Finish range of audio plays featuring the original, ever-changing cast.

I think it’s probably down to this title sequence and the theme tune that it was so popular.