David Fincher’s up for another serial killer movie

Poster for the movie Se7en

Se7en director David Fincher is up for another serial killer movie. Torso explores a little-known incident in Elliot “The Untouchables” Ness’ career, in which a serial killer challenges Ness to catch him. Ness, by then working as a public safety officer and without any training as a detective, has to put together a team of ex-police officers to help him catch the killer.

I love Fincher’s movies, particularly The Game and Fight Club, and regard Se7en as one of the best movies ever made. But some of his recent output such Panic Room has has been a little lacking. If Fincher is trying to recapture the mid-90s pinnacle of his career, it’s probably a mistake. The serial killer territory is now not only well trodden both by Fincher and by others, it’s very passé. But I guess if anyone can still make a gripping serial killer movie, it’s him. I suspect he’ll need Andrew Kevin Walker as a script doctor though.


A test of two bears

Rupert the Bear

Considering the fuss around the decimation of our Winnie the Pooh heritage by Disney, how will the world take the news that Rupert the Bear is to return to Channel Five with a set of new pals including Ming and Miranda the Mermaid?

Given Rupert isn’t quite as well regarded as Winnie and he’s now associated with Richard Desmond through no fault of his own, I imagine the outcry won’t be as big. After all, he was really just a cartoon for increasing newspaper sales, not tales told to a small boy at a bedtime.

Personally, I’m hoping this new series will take Rupert in a completely different direction, assuming that’s Ming the Merciless joining the cast list.

Imagine the possibilities.

PS The Media Guardian says Ping Pong is a new character. But he’s not. Naughty Media Guardian.


Alternatives to new ITV brands

ITV is to unveil its new branding next Monday. After my previous complaints about ITV3 and ITV4, it seems they’ve come up with some new focuses:

  • ITV1: “emotional moments we all share”.
  • ITV2: “must-have TV”
  • ITV3: “drama that draws you in”
  • ITV4: “collision of opposites” (WTF?)

Pure and utter cobblers, of course. I mean, can you imagine the controllers of each of the channels actually doing anything with those?

“Hmm. Must have more shows that are a ‘collision of opposites’.”

“How can I get more shows that will share emotional moments?”

Hard, huh?

Here’s a more truthful branding that is also more practical:

  • ITV1: “God-awful programmes for people who found Armageddon too intellectually challenging”
  • ITV2: “Programmes that couldn’t pass ITV1’s quality threshold ”
  • ITV3: “Re-runs of programmes we made in the 80s, together with some decent US imports”
  • ITV4: “Re-runs of programmes we made in the 60s and 70s, together with some decent US imports”

See? Immediately useful:

“Must commission another series of X-Factor….”

“Must commission a programme to go with X-Factor, hosted by people less talented than those on ITV1”

“Ah. Poirot. Now that was a show.”

“I must call CBS and the USA Network and ask them what they’ve planned for next season. But first, The Avengers!”

No great mental treks required. No communing with the inner self. Just good practical guidance. And isn’t that what any mission statement should be? Email ITV if you think my ideas should be adopted.