Guardians of the Galaxy is one of the “Phase 2” Marvel Universe movies coming out before (The) Avengers (Assemble) 2 – the others being Iron Man 3, Thor 2 and Captain America 2. Hand-picked for the job by Joss Whedon, comic book nerd James Gunn will be directing the movie, which sees a lot of outer space superheroes, including a racoon, fighting against evil aliens. Marvel, as we all know, is now owned by Disney.
So there are the base facts. Let’s look at what turned up yesterday. Although it’s been around for about a year now, James Gunn, who has his own blog, created a poll of superheroes he/we/the Internet would like to have sex with. And it’s a bit fruity, misogynistic, homophobic et al. Here are some choice samples (warning: fruity language alert):
1. Wonder Woman
For the second year in a row, Princess Diana is the big winner. It seems like many guys out there are hoping she’ll lasso their penises and make them tell the truth – which is that they want to be inside of Princess Diana!
This supervillain turned anti-hero has been making my penis feel funny since I was four years old and saw Julie Newmar playing her on TV. Today she’s as sexy as ever, especially when drawn by the supertalented Adam Hughes (above).
My girlfriend voted for this Cajun fruit. I think she’s looking to have a devil’s three way with the two of us. The idea of my balls slapping against Gambit’s makes me sick to my stomach, but I can’t deny the fellow’s pure HEAT, as he yet again placed so high on this list, despite being male and in the presence of so many A-listers. Wolverine and Superman may beat him in sales, but it’s who the ladies love that really matters, and Gambit is the Galactus of Cock!
8. The Black Widow
It’s hard to believe the Russian spy who Tony Stark called “sexual napalm” didn’t even rank last year! Natasha Romanova is the highest debut on the list, and, considering she’s fucked half the men in the Marvel Universe, it’s much deserved.
25. Kitty Pryde
@KittyPryde actually wrote me on Twitter after posting the nominees for heroes you most want to have sex with. I wrote her back, but neglected to mention that I wanted to anally do her. I won’t even mind if Lockheed is in the room, staring at me with a creepy look the whole time. Well, okay, I’ll mind a little. But it will be worth it.
This lesbian character was voted for almost exclusively by men. I don’t know exactly what that means. But I’m hoping for a Marvel-DC crossover so that Tony Stark can “turn” her. She could also have sex with Nightwing and probably still be technically considered a lesbian.
34. Batgirl – Stephanie Brown
Being a teen mom and all, you know she’s easy. Go for it.
So, erm, yes. And there are worse ones that. Read the Spiderwoman one (number 37) if you want to look in a dark place (I’ve cloaked it so you don’t have to if you don’t want to):
The whole time I’m fucking her I can’t get her face out of my mind as the skrull leader who tried to conquer the world. I know it’s not her fault, but I just can’t help it. So I finish on her face to help block out the painful memories. There. That’s better. I love you, Jessica.
Some of it’s actually quite funny and pokes fun at the people who answered the poll (“30. X-23 Another debut, and a pretty good choice. Except, uh, isn’t she supposed to be fifteen years old? And after you fictionally fuck her fictional police are going to arrest you and put you in fictional jail for being a very real pedophile.”) but none of this exactly screams “Disney movie director of a fun film with a racoon in it”.
As a result, there have been calls for him to be removed from the project for being a sexist, homophobe who writes a lot about his ‘pole’. So this week’s question is:
Should a man with suspect views about women and other groups direct a family movie featuring superheroines in case they end up being objectified, etc, or should he be allowed to direct the movie on the general grounds that even though he is a git, other people will be ensuring he doesn’t make the movie a thematic repeat of his blog? Or is part of the problem that if you try to find a director who’s also a comic book fan but who isn’t a sexist homophobe, et al, chances are you’re just going to end up with Joss Whedon again? Are there any female directors who love comics out there (there must be, mustn’t there?)
Answers below or on your own blog, please