Mini-review: Bitten 1×1 (Space/SyFy)

Sexy werewolf time

Bitten

In Canada: Saturdays, 9pm (EST), Space
In the US: Mondays, 10pm (EST), SyFy
In the UK: Acquired by SyFy for 2014 broadcast

Are werewolves sexy? I didn’t think vampires were, but apparently they are. Maybe it’s a Canadian thing, what will all the forests, because fresh out of Canada, here comes Bitten, in which Laura Vandervoort is the only female werewolf in the world (Toronto), the rest of her largely topless male ‘pack’ along for the ride and sexy times.

Vandervoort is trying to make a goer of living in the non-lupine world, except it’s not that easy when there are other packs and she has to get naked a lot at inopportune moments or when she just fancies it. Although to be fair, the female to male nudity is roughly 50/50, albeit the female side entirely Vandervoort (why she even bothers wearing clothes in this, I don’t know – must be hell on the dry cleaning).

The plot’s incredibly tedious and as is apparently the law with modern female-centric fantasy (eg Twilight, Lost Girl), is all about relationships, elaborate world-building based around families and bloodlines, being unique and the focus of everybody’s attention, and dealing with bitchy other women who don’t like your clothes. There are the usual tropes about women being punished/attacked/shamed/torn into little pieces for having sexual desire and most of the episode involves people meeting to chat about things, rather than anything too interesting. The dialogue is even worse, much akin to listening to dogs howl.

Still, if watching largely unsexy sex and/or various Canadian actors getting naked for no true plot-advancing reasons is your thing, Bitten should be fine. I personally prefer to get my teeth into something a bit more meaty, myself. Gosh, aren’t I funny?

Author

  • I’m Rob Buckley, a journalist who writes for UK media magazines that most people have never heard of although you might have heard me on the podcast Lockdown Land or Radio 5 Live’s Saturday Edition or Afternoon Edition. I’ve edited Dreamwatch, Sprocket and Cambridge Film Festival Daily; been technical editor for TV producers magazine Televisual; reviewed films for the short-lived newspaper Cambridge Insider; written features for the even shorter-lived newspaper Soho Independent; and was regularly sarcastic about television on the blink-and-you-missed-it “web site for urban hedonists” The Tribe. Since going freelance, I've contributed to the likes of Broadcast, Total Content + Media, Action TV, Off The Telly, Action Network, TV Scoop and The Custard TV.