It’s “What have you been watching?”, my chance to tell you what movies and TV I’ve been watching recently and your chance to recommend anything you’ve been watching.
The thing about holidays, even short ones, is you end up with masses of work to do in order to catch up. So apologies for the lack of much blogging last week and indeed this week, but work called. Plus there hasn’t been that much new to review anyway.
Since the last WHYBW, I’ve looked at all the new shows I could find (there was probably something on Netflix, but they tend to hide) but that tally isn’t huge:
Come on TV networks! What am I going to focus my sarcasm on if you’re not going to wheel out some crappy new summer shows. (What’s that Freeform (US)? The Bold Type started last night? Fine, I’ll review it tomorrow.)
It doesn’t help, of course, that a lot of current shows are winding up, too. After the jump, all I’ll be able to talk about are the latest episodes of Downward Dog, Doctor Who, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks and You Are Wanted, as well as the season finales of American Gods and The Handmaid’s Tale. Pfft. I’m going to have to take up crocheting or something, aren’t I?
In the US: Wednesdays, 10/9c, Syfy In the UK: Acquired by Syfy UK
Grindhouse is one of those genres that never really took off in the UK. Best known for its exploitation tropes, you can probably name a few grindhouse movies, such as Death Race 2000, but chances are you won’t have seen them, since they were pretty much eclipsed in our national consciousness by ‘Video Nasties’ such as Driller Killer.
In the US, it’s a different story, perhaps in part because of film nerds like Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez doing their best to repopulise the genre. I’m not convinced people genuinely like it, so much as have fond feelings for it that probably wouldn’t survive their rewatching any of their favourites. But so long as they never actually look to see if their memories have cheated them, grindhouse will still sit in the hearts of many a middle-aged US nerd.
Blood Drive is an explicit (in all senses) effort to capitalise on that fact-free nostalgia but makes the fatal mistake of being authentically terrible rather than post-modernly tongue-in-cheek terrible. Set in the far flung dystopian future of ‘1999’, the show sees the world’s resources all used up, petrol at $1,000+ a barrel, water scarce and crime rapant. Against this backdrop is a race through the US for no really good reason. All you need to know is that the race is happening and the cars run on… HUMAN BLOOD!!!!
The ‘heroes’ of the piece are former Aquaman Alan Ritchson as the one honest LA cop left who ends up having to join the race and hotty old hand Christina Ochoa (Matador, Animal Kingdom)*, both of whom must fight against all and sundry, particularly the other drivers, while occasionally having to top up with a pint or two of O-.
The show’s tongue is very firmly placed in its cheek. Unfortunately, it’s also placed firmly in your cheek, too, making it all a deeply unpleasant experience to watch. It’s not just the gore, it’s the letchery, sexism, racism et al that make it a hard viewing.
More so, everything is knowingly stupid, rather than fun stupid, appealing to the ‘tickbox’ mentality of genre fans, rather than just trying to enjoy itself. Characters are deliberately poorly drawn, budgets are low, direction poor because that’s Grindhouse – but that was largely all through necessity with the originals, rather than because of deliberate choices.
As a show Blood Drive is deliberately bad, but so bad it’s unwatchable, rather than a secret pleasure. If you’re the sort of person who likes Sharknado, you might enjoy Blood Drive. But if you like shows that are… good, then steer well clear.
* Who I’m fascinated to learn is a member of Mensa who studied marine biology, focusing on elasmobranchii; an “actress, science communicator and writer”; grand-niece of 1959 Nobel Prize winner Severo Ochoa; and daughter of acclaimed Spanish sculptor Victor Ochoa. Blood Drivereally doesn’t play to her strengths
TNT has been trying to break out of its crime niche for years now. A few years ago, its ‘TNT – Bang!’ birthed The Last Ship, but little else, and since then, like a cat trapped in a pit, clawing at the walls, TNT has been hunting for an escape. Last year’s Animal Kingdom was still a crime drama, but it was about a family who indulged in a bit of criminality rather than being all about the crime.
Claws is a similar attempt to escape the pit, except here through a sort of marriage with Real Housewives. Set in a nailbar in Florida’s ‘Manatee County’, it follows the exploits of owner Niecy Nash (Getting On, Reno 911) as she tries to raise money to buy a classy new nail salon through the drug trade, running dodgy medical clinics that let any old addict have what they want, provided they have the cash, coaching them what to say if they can’t quite hit the low mark of ‘slightly convincing shoulder sprain’ unaided. Trouble is, her drug dealer boyfriend is playing her and cheating her out of her ill-gotten gains, so something’s gotta give…
The show’s real focus, though, is the staff at Nash’s nail salon, and the show would really much rather be spending its time just hanging out there, while they all chat to one another. Notable amongst the identikit Floridians are The Good Fight‘s Carrie Preston as a recently paroled quirkfest and Scrubs‘ Judy Reyes as a near-silent tattooed lesbian.
Claws goes through the well-trodden motions of female empowerment, bad assery, etc, which largely involve everyone teasing each other a bit, hugging each other more and then shouting a lot at anyone who dares to try to do anything to a member of the ‘crew’, particularly if they’re a member of that crew themselves (Karrueche Tran). But it’s horribly written, horribly acted nonsense that goes through the motions without truly doing anything new, whose only saving grace are some strong visuals, including the occasional architectural tour of a nice house.
Worse still, it’s supposed to be a dramedy, but it’s so poorly put together it’s hard to tell if it’s genuinely trying to be comedic or dramatic or whether it’s trying to do the opposite and simply missed its mark. TNT’s worst piece of TV since King and Maxwell, do not watch it unless you enjoy yawning a lot.
