BBC4 controller wants longer hours

Good news, fans of Nigerian crochet and Swedish Renaissance painting: BBC4 wants to broadcast for longer each day!

I jest. BBC4 has been getting much better of late. But although the ratio between the absolute crackers and the mind-numbers may be at an all-time high, it’s still got some way to go before it achieves the same quality ratio as More4, which is still the holder of the crown for “ best channel for thinking people who don’t have a degree in Pretension, minoring in tribal art”.

More4 does have a slight advantage though. It just imports all its good stuff, while BBC4 rolls its own. More4’s home-produced output, such as The Last Word, would very much rate as “cruel and unusual punishments” if shown to US prison inmates, so it shouldn’t sit on its laurels.

So let’s give a possible BBC4 expansion into longer hours a cautious welcome and hope we don’t have to face too many programmes hosted by Tyler Brûlé or (and I kid you not) documentaries about Django Reinhardt, the Belgian-born, two-fingered Gypsy jazz guitar legend.

Jazz. Ugh.

Third-episode verdict: Life on Mars

Life on Mars, starring John Simm and Philip Glennister

Although I review US pilots as they come out (cf ‘Screening Screeners‘, ‘More Screeners‘ and ‘US shows: what to watch and what to ignore completely‘ to see which ones now ring true), I usually reserve my final verdict on new shows until the second or third episode’s aired.

Which explains why I’m only now talking about Life on Mars, the new nostalgia cop show starring John Simm and Philip Glenister. The basic plot: a cop from 2006 gets knocked down in a car accident and wakes to find himself in 1973. Is he in a coma, mad, dead or has he genuinely travelled back in time? We don’t know and neither does he, but until he finds a way back, he has to make the best of it. The trouble is, the police in 1973 appear to think they’re in either an episode of The Sweeney or the West Midlands Serious Crime Squad.

It’s actually pretty enjoyable, despite the fact the show’s from Kudos, who do the glossy but banal Spooks and Hustle. As with all shows where the heroes visit the past, you can get a kick out of the natives’ ‘ignorance’. Most of the show revolves around the gulf between Simm’s expectations of how policing should be done and what his 1970s’ counterparts actually do. Fingerprints take two weeks to be processed, interviews take place in the canteen and aren’t recorded, witness protection is for mafia grasses and Glenister keeps a pile of “bling” and acid in his filing cabinet for when he needs to plant evidence.

The biggest shock is the illiberal attitudes on display (AA Gill said it was as though the main character had woken up in a Richard Littlejohn column). The 70s isn’t that long ago. Most of us can remember the 70s: we’ve lived through it and we have a certain rosy view of the era of our early childhood. But watching Life on Mars, you realise the 70s might as well be one hundred years ago. Watching the treatment a deaf character gets in the second episode brings home to you just what isn’t acceptable these days: anyone ruing political correctness clearly doesn’t remember what things used to be like in the ‘good old days’. Similarly, you realise just how reconstructed today’s police are in comparison with the police of 1973, amazing though that may seem to some.

Of course, Life on Mars isn’t 100% realistic – nor is intended to be. There are hints throughout the show that Simm is still in his hospital after his accident, with mysterious voices talking about his condition and the sun always shining outside, no matter what time of day it is. Any historical slips such as policewomen being called WPC instead of PWs can then be put down to his faulty recall of the era, as can the occasional overly comedic moment such as a mass chase in swimming trunks, which even Simm’s character realises is implausible. Like Lost, though, until the ending is revealed, we won’t know how much slack to cut it on such matters.

Simm and Glenister, last seen together in the outstanding State of Play, get to ham it up a little and seem to have a great time doing it (Glenister more than Simm, who has to be constantly pained by his new colleague’s predilection for punching anyone who annoys him). There’s a rip-roaring 70s soundtrack, including, naturally enough, Bowie’s ‘Life on Mars’. It’s great fun to watch and while it’s not going to strain the brain too much, there are enough subtleties and unexpected twists to keep your interest piqued.

ITV needs a little more focus

Remember when ITV used to make good programmes? That’s right, it was roughly before the franchise sell-off at the beginning of the 90s. There have been a few good programmes since then, including Cracker and, erm, suggestions anyone? But it’s mostly been rubbish, ever since Thames got sent down the river.

Perhaps it’s the lack of decent ‘creatives’. Perhaps it’s a lack of cash. That’s certainly something to do with it. To be honest, though, I think the problem is simply the quest for ratings: try to be all things to all people and you end up pleasing no one. You’d have thought now they have four channels and they’re not bothering to put on regional programming, really, they might be able to do something about that. But despite a silly rebranding, all they have are two versions of ITV1 and two nostalgia channels, interspersed with good stuff they’ve bought from other people.

But despite plummeting ratings, what are they doing about it? First, buying Friends Reunited at a stupendously stupid price. Now, they’re looking to take a majority stake in TV3, Ireland’s only commercial channel.

You know, if I were them, strapped for cash and my ratings were sliding, I’d be thinking about making better programmes. This hasn’t quite registered at ITV though. Of course, if TV3 is making oodles of cash, taking a majority stake in them would certainly help with the cashflow. But faffing around with Friends Reunited and TV3 is really just a distraction from the important thing, which is making decent programmes.

News

A test of two bears

Rupert the Bear

Considering the fuss around the decimation of our Winnie the Pooh heritage by Disney, how will the world take the news that Rupert the Bear is to return to Channel Five with a set of new pals including Ming and Miranda the Mermaid?

Given Rupert isn’t quite as well regarded as Winnie and he’s now associated with Richard Desmond through no fault of his own, I imagine the outcry won’t be as big. After all, he was really just a cartoon for increasing newspaper sales, not tales told to a small boy at a bedtime.

Personally, I’m hoping this new series will take Rupert in a completely different direction, assuming that’s Ming the Merciless joining the cast list.

Imagine the possibilities.

PS The Media Guardian says Ping Pong is a new character. But he’s not. Naughty Media Guardian.

Alternatives to new ITV brands

ITV is to unveil its new branding next Monday. After my previous complaints about ITV3 and ITV4, it seems they’ve come up with some new focuses:

  • ITV1: “emotional moments we all share”.
  • ITV2: “must-have TV”
  • ITV3: “drama that draws you in”
  • ITV4: “collision of opposites” (WTF?)

Pure and utter cobblers, of course. I mean, can you imagine the controllers of each of the channels actually doing anything with those?

“Hmm. Must have more shows that are a ‘collision of opposites’.”

“How can I get more shows that will share emotional moments?”

Hard, huh?

Here’s a more truthful branding that is also more practical:

  • ITV1: “God-awful programmes for people who found Armageddon too intellectually challenging”
  • ITV2: “Programmes that couldn’t pass ITV1’s quality threshold ”
  • ITV3: “Re-runs of programmes we made in the 80s, together with some decent US imports”
  • ITV4: “Re-runs of programmes we made in the 60s and 70s, together with some decent US imports”

See? Immediately useful:

“Must commission another series of X-Factor….”

“Must commission a programme to go with X-Factor, hosted by people less talented than those on ITV1”

“Ah. Poirot. Now that was a show.”

“I must call CBS and the USA Network and ask them what they’ve planned for next season. But first, The Avengers!”

No great mental treks required. No communing with the inner self. Just good practical guidance. And isn’t that what any mission statement should be? Email ITV if you think my ideas should be adopted.