TV reviews

A complete archive of The Medium is Not Enough’s reviews of TV programmes since 2005

US TV

Third-episode verdict: Lincoln Heights

25 January 2007 Rob Buckley Post a comment

Lincoln Heights Carusometer2, A Partial Caruso

Lincoln Heights‘s third episode has come into view after plodding over some sort of hill – some would argue it’s more of a ‘height’ – so time to pass verdict.

After a vaguely promising opening episode, the quality has dropped slightly as standard plots have been retrofitted to the particular peculiar set-up of the show. Much like its theme tune, which if it weren’t topped by its own 80s-style incidental music would arguably be the worst piece of music anyone has ever been paid to write (“I want it urban and gritty for 15 seconds, but I want it R&B and smooth for the next 15 seconds so it won’t put off teenage girls.” You can almost hear Ross Geller telling them how to transition between the two with “Bu dum bu dum bu dum”), it’s an uneasy blend of two genres: crime and teen soap. It plunders both for all the clichés it can find, with almost nothing unpredictable or unexpected happening at any point. None of the characters is remotely plausible, none of the characters talk like normal people, and everything exists to serve up a moral at the end of it. And with every drug dealer and gang member now knowing where the cop and his family live, how are they all still alive?

But through some bizarre form of holistic synthesis, it all seems a lot better than the sum of its parts. Although we’ve seen it all before, we’ve never seen it in the precise combinations we have here. Plus it’s aimed at family audiences: it’s very rare to see anything like the guts on display here when the dreaded Doom Cloud of Family is hanging overhead.

So The Carusometer, recalibrated using a chunk of purest chocolate biscuit made by the mice of Bagpuss’s shop, finds that Lincoln Heights is actually a lot better than I’ve suggested. If you’re an adult, this is a 4 on The Carusometer and should be avoided. But for its intended audience – families and teenagers –

The Medium is Not Enough has declared Lincoln Heights to be a two or “Partial Caruso” on The Childrens’ Carusometer quality scale. A Partial Caruso on The Childrens’ Carusometer corresponds to a show in which David Caruso is forced to play a cameo role as Santa Claus, a rictus grin on his face, thanks to a screw up with his contract. The sound of shrieking infants will drown out all his lines and everyone will come away feeling just a bit fuller of the Christmas spirit than before as a result.

PS The latest episode of Lincoln Heights had a trailer for Smallville at the end, since that show’s being repeated on ABC Family. The voice over said “Lust will destroy them”. Can you see where this network’s coming from?

Things I learnt from last week’s television

23 January 2007 Rob Buckley 6 Comments

It’s a new thing, this. I should have started it yesterday, but I was a bit busy. And I forgot.

Anyway, the general idea is it gives me a way to talk about last week’s US and British TV without spoiling anyone on the other side of the Atlantic who hasn’t seen it yet. It’ll probably evolve over time as I get the hang of it. Let’s see how it goes.

  • Scrubs: I really, really hate musicals. I feel like one of the Martians in Invaders from Mars by the end of them.

    What I learnt: I still really, really hate musicals. Musicals are dull.

  • Battlestar Galactica: Still a million leagues ahead of most shows, but getting a bit wearisome at times.

    What I learnt: Sooner or later even the best shows start to get weighed down by their own mythology. Standalone episodes are not the work of the Devil and arcs need to be drip-fed into shows, not dumped onto your plate like a load of creamed potatoes in a school canteen.

  • The Unit: If you’re not careful, even shows that try to be hard-hitting and realistic start to succumb to “fictionitis”. This is a disease in which writers, instead of looking to reality for inspiration, look to other TV shows and everything starts to become just that whole lot less likely.

    What I learnt: If you’re going to base a crack army unit on Delta Force, make sure you call it Delta Force or else writers will start to get imaginative.

  • Celebrity Big Brother: My wife loves the ice-skating reality show, too, so we’ve been watching that instead of CBB for the most part. However, when we have tuned in, we’ve not felt particularly edified by the whole thing.

    What I learnt: Americans and Indians are far better mannered, smarter and gracious than most Britons; it’s possible to call an Indian poppadom, think she should “f— off home”, take the piss out of her accent and still think you’re not a racist.

  • My Name is Earl: The last four or five episodes have been absolute crackers, particularly the Cops one. So tune in now if you haven’t already.
    What I learnt: Rednecks – or is Earl technically not a redneck but white trash? – apparently can’t use computers. I’m not sure this is true, though. Maybe there’ll be something in Wikipedia about it.
  • 30 Rock: I’d already learned in a previous week that Alec Baldwin is a comedy god.
    What I learnt: Tina Fey is a comedy goddess. This, I had not suspected previously.

Third-episode verdict: The Knights of Prosperity

19 January 2007 Rob Buckley Post a comment

The Knights of Prosperity

I previewed this ages ago, back last summer when it was going to be a Fall premiere. Unlike certain pilots, though, this remained identical throughout – just as soon as they’d decided on what to call it. We’re now up to episode three and it’s ready for a third-episode verdict. We’re not quite ready for The Carusometer though.

Why? Well, it’s amiable enough and a bit rubbish, but it doesn’t cause my heart to sink whenever the prospect of watching another episode hits me, unlike In Case of Emergency. Being a serial comedy, it’s also started to hook me slightly. I want to see where they’re going with it. Will they actually rob Mick Jagger, or will they pull away at the last moment?

Its episodes so far have, unfortunately, been Mick Jagger-free (thanks to the network really annoying him by using him on all the promo posters, despite his specific request that they don’t), and since he’s the best thing about it, it’s not that great right now. I’m hoping for something a bit unconventional.

The cast are fine, the plots a bit ropey and the dialogue not really funny. It’s more of a cringe-comedy – there’s a lot of them about – but not quite as sadistic as some I could mention. You’ve really got to like physical comedy and the comedy of the stupid to love it.

But I’ll hold out to episode five, just to see if Mick turns up.

Third-episode verdict: In Case of Emergency

19 January 2007 Rob Buckley 1 Comment

In Case of Emergency's Carusometer
3 Minor Caruso

Well, it’s the moment we’ve all been looking forward to: the third-episode verdict and matching Carusometer for In Case of Emergency. The first episode was pretty painful, as already remarked, and the following episodes haven’t really let up in their general desire to kick the crap out of their unlikely leads.

The various characters have had a little more flesh put on them, although it’s pretty broad-brush work rather than fine Airfix detailing necessary to ensure the audience actually gives a monkey’s about them. The situations haven’t been any more plausible than the previous ones, either. In fact, the highpoint of the whole series has been a 30-second cameo by David Carradine in the third-episode.

So mediocre, then: not awful but not great. You might enjoy it a bit if someone stuck it on in front of you, but you wouldn’t go looking for it in the schedules. As a result

The Medium is Not Enough has declared In Case of Emergency to be a three or “Minor Caruso” on The Carusometer quality scale. A Minor Caruso corresponds to “a show in which David Caruso might guest star. He will incessantly talk about the ‘fine work he did on Rambo: First Blood’ that shows just how much ‘you other ”actors“ have to learn about our craft’. He’ll also demand that all cameras be inclined at 27º to the vertical whenever he enters shot. He will, however, be the most interesting thing that’s ever happened to the show, either in front of the camera or behind the scenes”.