You have to love the South Park guys

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of South Park and all-round comedy gods, are running into trouble with the Scientologists over an episode that took the Michael out of the money-earning con job religion.

First, Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef and noted Scientologist, resigned in protest. Tom Cruise has also brought his power to bear with various threats of legal action, etc, which caused a repeat of the episode to be replaced with another one from the first season.

But whatever you think of Parker, Stone and South Park, you have to appreciate guys who can withstand the pressure by issuing this official statement:

“So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!

”Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu.“

Class

Hardware horrors or à la recherche du temps perdus

I don’t know why this place is suddenly filled up with Who news, but it is. This one’s here, not because it’s Who news, but because it’s my past coming back to haunt me (hence the lack of Tennant picture, I’m afraid).

Prepare to be bored.

Anyway, according to Broadcast via Outpost Gallifrey, production on the next series of Doctor Who has gone tapeless thanks to investment by BBC Wales in a Unity.

Oh the unmitigated horror. Back circa 1999 and 2000, talking about this kind of thing was my job – I was technology editor of Televisual. Trudging around Soho, talking to every post-production house under the sun about what new kit they’d just bought: doesn’t sound brilliant, but they paid me; they’d send me to Las Vegas and Amsterdam every year for the big conferences and I got to find out about all the new programmes before they happened. Sounds a lot cooler now, doesn’t it? Sigh.

Back to the topic in hand, though. Back then, Unity was just being introduced and virtually all the big post houses already had at least one. Tapeless workflow? Jeez. It’s amazing six years on that a flagship BBC programme would be done on anything except a tapeless workflow system. Still, that’s the regions for you. Backward, backward, backward.

Oh dear. My wife’s coming to kill me for that. She’s from Swansea, you know. Just like Russell T Davies.

There’s no link there that I know of.

UPDATE: This blog entry is hereby renamed “The too much red wine blog entry”.

News

An offer you can’t refuse

Darren Day

Fancy being trained by Olympic athletes in sports like water-skiing, kendo, running, diving and cycling? Fancy getting really fit without having to pay for a personal trainer? How about a free holiday in Egypt?

Nah. I fancy sleeping in a car and playing snooker down the pub.

Because I am Darren Day.

Well, I’m not. But you know what I mean. Instead of turning up for training, the man decided to kip in his hotel room and do anything rather than lift his finger. The producers eventually had to throw him off the show.

Given all the opportunities afforded by The Games, how could you not want to take advantage of them, particularly when you’re up a certain creek like Darren clearly is? The man has problems.

I like The Games. I’m not a great sports fan. I’m not a great reality TV fan. But watching a bunch of people actually try to develop a talent – and sensibly, unlike all those dancing and singing shows that try to get everyone up to scratch in a week – is really uplifting. I’d much rather see someone rewarded for hard work, than see the likes of Chantelle rewarded for living in a house for a few weeks. Admittedly, the competitors are a little more C-list than last year’s, but it’s great to see Peter “Dib Dib Dib” Duncan on tele again. Plus the martial art this year is kendo: outstanding!

US TV

Review: The Unit 1×1 – How cool is Dennis Haysbert?

Dennis Haybert: the coolest man alive

Dennis Haysbert: you know him right? He’s been around for ages. I first saw him in Suture, in which he played the absolutely identical twin brother of a white guy – a white guy who didn’t have an eye-patch like him. But he was also the getaway driver in Heat, was the government guy in Now and Again, and is best known as ex-President Palmer in 24 – Palmer being the only man in the world Jack “Harder than Chuck Norris” Bauer respects. He’s a cool guy, basically. But how cool?

I’ll tell you how cool he is. He now has his own show, one specially written for him by David Mamet.

Yes. David Mamet, the manliest of modern American playwrights. If David Mamet had one tenth the testosterone level of his scripts combined, he’d be able to knock out a charging bull with his bare hands. He’s that manly.

But The Unit, as Haysbert’s new show is called, is even manlier than David Mamet channelling the spirit of Ernest Hemingway in a Living TV seance. For starters, it’s based on Inside Delta Force, a book written by the founder of America’s answer to the SAS, Eric Haney. For no doubt a whole host of legal reasons, The Unit isn’t actually about Delta Force, but a thinly veiled version of Delta Force that goes undercover in Afghanistan one day and then on their day off foil hijackings of commercial jets. If ‘The Unit’ could talk, it would have to kill you afterwards.

The show is both good and awful. When dealing with the aforementioned hijacking, it’s very tense and impressive. Blink too many times and the spell that makes you think Scott Foley (Elliott’s ex-boyfriend in Scrubs) is capable of speaking Arabic and knifing people in the throat will wear off, but as tales of daring-do go it’s a lot closer to reality, I suspect, that the fabulous wonderland that is 24. It certainly makes Ross Kemp and Ultimate Force look like a bunch of Nancies.

It also manages to deal with the personal lives of the soldiers in a reasonably uninsulting way, while simultaneously recycling every cliché in the book. We get to meet all the Unit’s wives, who are a mix of the long-suffering, the cheating and the Independent Woman Who Wants Her Husband To Be More Emotionally Involved In the Family And Won’t Be Treated As A Second-Class Citizen By The Army. You know the type.

But there’s simply so much manliness going around, there’s a surplus that can be ladelled out to the wives as well. You could talk about The Unit if you wanted to, but then one of the wives would have to kill you.

Where it falls down quite drastically is when dealing with non-US affairs. Have a look at this picture of Haysbert and one of his comrades undercover in Afghanistan:

Undercover in Afghanistan. Really

Now if you were Afghanistani and you saw these guys in your local pub, would you, even for one second, think they weren’t Americans? No, neither would I. It’s not a fatal flaw – show me one TV series that properly manages to pull off International (don’t even think of saying Alias) – but it’s still more laughable than The West Wing‘s attempts (although not as insulting as Commander in Chief‘s).

If The Unit can confine itself to domestic US operations and maintain the same level of quality as Mamet’s opening episode, it’s going to be worth watching. However, I foresee a certain amount of jingoism in the near future that it’ll find hard to avoid. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for it.

But there’ll be one thing The Unit proves: you shouldn’t mess with Haysbert.