Things I learnt from last week’s television

24 (Fox)

There are ways to make family reunions bearable.

Celebrity Big Brother (Channel 4/E4)

People will watch anything. Judging by the ratings, racism is entertainment.



CSI (CBS)


Sometimes, the plots of even the best shows make absolutely no sense.



Heroes (NBC)


A week is a long, long time when a show is really, really enjoyable. I want the next episode now! Also, Christopher Eccleston will never be cast as anything except an angry northerner, no matter where in the world he’s employed.

Psych (The USA Network)

Give a show six months’ rest and when it comes back, sometimes, just sometimes, it will be better than when it went away.

Smallville (The CW)

Even when a plot has been done well by countless other TV shows, it’s still possible to do it again and still make it good, creepy and interesting. Also, actors who have been in shows for six years will remember how to act when they’re given something new to do for a change. Things we already knew: Clark is an idiot – go with Chloe, you nutter.

Studio 60 (NBC)

If you’re the hero of a TV show, you can act like a stalker and the girl will still want you by the end of the episode. It’s also really easy to learn Mandarin Chinese from a phrase book.

Supernatural (The CW)

If you’re doing a “monster of the week” show, don’t bring the same monster back – twice – unless you can actually make it interesting.

The Class (CBS)

If you piss off sitcom producers, they can excise you from the titles and publicity material faster than Stalin.

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