Lost reviews

I did warn you all that you weren’t going to get answers. Bloody Lost.

“Remember what happened last time round, how empty and cheated you felt at the end? What makes you think it’ll be any different this time? It’s televisual crack, you know it is. ‘I can handle it,’ you’ll keep telling yourself. You can’t though. Just say no.”

Sam Wollaston, The Guardian

“Throughout last night’s two episodes, the programme’s existing mysteries remained as mysterious – and numerous – as ever.”

James Walton, The Daily Telegraph

“Already the dependency is as bad as ever.”

Thomas Sutcliffe, The Independent

“Personally, I couldn’t bear to go on to watch episode two of Lost, which followed on straight afterwards.”

Peter Paterson, Daily Mail

“Lost appears to be scripted by a team of lawyers, who answer every question with a 10-page booklet of further questions.”

Matt Baylis, Daily Express and Daily Star

US TV

CSI: Miami – Horatio’s in 18th Century love

He’s got the name for it, so why should it be so unexpected that CSI Miami‘s Horatio Caine is in love – 18th Century style.

Horatio in Love

Horatio’s just proposed marriage (sorry, UK viewer, but I just had to ‘spoil’ you there. Relax. You know exactly how it’s going to work out). Ah. How lovely. But do you think it odd that he’s proposed marriage to a woman he’s not even been seen to hug or kiss once? Her holding his arm (above) just after he proposes to her is the most intimate those two have got in the half-season they’ve been together.

Weird, huh? Now clearly actually having to show signs of affection would both stretch David Caruso’s ‘acting’ abilities and be a sign of weakness that all the other boys in the 10th grade would mock him for. In fact, it would be almost impossible for criminals to respect Caine if he’d actually been seen to kiss a woman.

But I think in this modern day and age, we could cope with the occasional embrace at least. At the moment, Horatio’s acting more like a creepy squire, marrying his young ward to inherit her estate, rather than a fiancé.

Still, at least they haven’t quite sunk to the level of Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold, in which Sharon Stone runs around after her fiancé, the eponymous Allan Quatermain, shouting ‘Quatermain! Quatermain!’ (you’re going to get married, soon. Call him Allan, love). That would be bad.

News

I pity the fool who doesn’t watch this reality TV show

Mr TGood old Mr T has just landed his own reality TV show. Apparently, he’s going to be a ‘Dr Phil’-like self-help guru who’s going to aid everyday people in their daily lives. Car salesman not meeting his quota? Mr T will help sort it out. Fabulous.

Also coming soon is Back to the Grind, in which actors get to do the jobs of the characters that made them famous. Top of the list is Erik Estrada from CHiPS, who’s going to be a California Highway patrolman. Go Poncherello, go!

News

Clash of the Titans remake is on the cards

Clash of the TitansCracking news (or should that be ‘Kraken news’?): Warner Bros wants to remake Clash of the Titans. In case you don’t remember lump-of-wood Harry Hamlin’s first big break, this was a retelling of the classic Greek myth of Perseus and Andromeda, with all the magic of Ray Harryhausen added in for good effect(s).

I’ve fond memories of it, particularly since it was one of the last real stabs at doing Ancient Greece properly before the likes of Xena and Hercules morphed it into some cod-medieval Dungeons and Dragons setting. Plus who can forget the mechanical owl, Pegasus the winged horse and the ever-so-scary Kraken? Or Tim Piggott-Smith wandering around in a skirt?

My big fear is they’re going to do a Tristan & Isolde/A Knight’s Tale and try to make it more ‘contemporary’. Ugh. But who knows? They might do the right thing. I’m not expecting the unexpected (such as doing the whole thing in Ancient Greek, which apparently is something only ITV would be willing to do), and with Troy still lingering in the memory, my hopes aren’t that great. But funnier things have happened…