News

Wednesday morning’s eye-opening and independent news

David Tennant and Catherine Tate

Happy Independence Day, America!

Doctor Who

  • And the new companion is… Catherine Tate. Seriously. I’m not fibbing

Film

  • David Oyelowo, Idris Elba, Colin Salmon, Winston Ntshona and John Kani are all in The No 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency

Journalism

British TV

  • Keeley Hawes is the new John Simm for Life on Mars sequel Ashes to Ashes
  • The Beeb says the viewing public wants it to innovate
  • Michael Grade says TV shouldn’t treat the viewing public with ‘casual contempt’
  • Oh yeah? Well, ITV are copycats, says the Beeb [free registration required]

US TV

US TV

Third-episode verdict: Meadowlands

The Carusometer for Meadowlands2 Partial Caruso

Long-time fans of Charlie Brooker will no doubt recall the “Daily Mail Island” section of TV Go Home. The idea of “Daily Mail Island” was that a bunch of people were stuck on an island with only the Daily Mail to read. Naturally, they ended up attacking immigrant pigeons, etc, etc.

Meadowlands is sort of a Daily Mail village, except rather than being filled with people who have frighteningly misinformed opinions, it’s filled with people from Daily Mail headlines. Imagine what it would be like if the only gynaecologist you could see was a scary stalker who’s unhealthily obsessed with you and who blurts out declarations of love at inopportune moments. Imagine a world where all working class people are rapists and murderers who can’t be sent to prison because they’re underage. Imagine a world where the only cop in town is brutal and corrupt and liable to beat you to extract a confession.

This, pretty much, is how Meadowlands works. Every character is someone you should be scared off.

It didn’t look like this at first. The first episode, while having quite a dark underbelly and being a bit confused, was also filled with comedy grotesques you could laugh at. But by the end of the quite absorbing second episode, it had all gone very badly wrong and comedy had made a quick retreat for the exit in case it was assaulted by rabid paedophiles. The third episode was darker still.

With the comedy downplayed, it’s a much better show, albeit one that is slightly nightmarish viewing. The protagonists aren’t exactly appealing and the supposed high-functioning autistic son (who’s played like he’s low-functioning) is pretty irritating. But it’s pretty entertaining on its own terms, even if it doesn’t have any more relevance to the real world than the Daily Mail does.

Heaven knows where it’s going if it’s already this full of evil with another five episodes to go. I’m hoping it’s going to be quite horrific. That would be nice.

The Medium is Not Enough has great pleasure in declaring Meadowlands a two or “Partial Caruso” on The Carusometer quality scale. A Partial Caruso corresponds to “a show in which David Caruso might volunteer to cameo. After forgetting what comes after ”I’m going to be your judge, jury and…’ in his supposedly threatening speech a total of 47 times during the audition, he will instead ad lib ‘I’m going to get you’ while clenching his fist. The producers will hire Ray Liotta instead.”

News

The News of the World on Tuesday

David Tennant and Kylie Minogue

Doctor Who

  • Oh, Rusty, Rusty, Rusty. Will anyone believe anything you say again? Yes, Kylie Minogue will be starring in the Christmas special
  • The Sun lists the odds for who will be the next companion. Top of the list: Loo Brealey from Casualty (she auditioned for the role of Rose so not totally unlikely) and Rose Byrne from 28 Weeks Later (she was also in Casanova, so again, not totally unlikely)

Film

British TV

US TV

UK TV

Review: That’s What I Call Television

That's What I Call Television

In the UK: Saturdays, 9.30pm, ITV1

Talk about derivative. ITV, never one for spotting a trend until it’s five years passed, has noticed that actually, thirtysomethings like to get nostalgic about television they watched when they were a kid. So they’ve rolled out a show hosted by Fern Britton that celebrates TV that aired between 1979 and 1989, got three celebrities with memories of the period to trawl the archives for the high points, all the while dragging on the occasional guest star for an audience of Friends Reunited heavy-users to gape at in awe.

It’s not bad if you enjoy shouting out “that was the theme to the McVitie’s Club advert” at the TV at appropriate moments. But for anyone with an attention span, there’s a disconcerting sense that opportunities have been missed. We had an honest to goodness reunion of Richard Briers and Felicity Kendal. Wow! Yey!

FOR TWO MINUTES. What’s the point in that? They got about three sentences out before they were trundled off. That could have been an entire programme.

This week’s guest was Julian Clary with Matthew Kelly next week and – really, why? – Bradley Walsh to come the following week. Clary’s entertaining and we saw some good clips, not just of his favourite programmes but of him in his various on-screen appearances. The in-house band that recreates theme tunes of yesterday is amusing. And, I’m hoping that the web site is being nice and there really will be a two-minute long reunion of David McCallum and Joanna Lumley to discuss Sapphire and Steel.

But there’s no real focus to the show. It’s just a few things thrown together with a celebrity, all to be done on the cheap. Yet another piece of diluted output from the network that likes to say “Can we have some of that, too?”

UK TV

Doctor Who – 3×1-3×13 – Full series review

Full Season Carusometer

Well, here it is, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: it’s the unveiling of the first ever full-season Carusometer.

It’s a bit small, isn’t it? Sorry, my blog is only so wide and people’s screens are only so much wider. Click on it to get a bigger version that won’t mess with your eyes so much.

Anyway, as you can see, we started off all rightish with Smith and Jones, The Shakespeare Code and Gridlock. We then plummeted into some extraordinary depths with the Dalek two-parter, before beginning a slow crawl back up to the light via The Lazarus Experiment and 42 (which was really only as good as it was thanks to Graeme Harper’s direction).

The Human Nature/Family of Blood two-parter was the first undisputed piece of excellence by the series, with Blink almost at the same heights (it would probably get a half-mark if The Carusometer believed in shades of grey and anything other than absolutes. It doesn’t, so Blink gets a slight promotion) before a relatively even not-quite brilliant Master trilogy to finish off the series.

Compared with series one and series two then, series three is undoubtedly better, albeit slightly cheaper looking. Once again, we’ve had to sit through a relatively rubbish first third or so to get to the good stuff, but wasn’t it good by the end? David Tennant’s been allowed to find his feet properly and given a wide variety of material to work with; Sweet FA has generally had better material to work with than Pipes, even when the attention wasn’t on her, but probably hasn’t done quite as good a job with it. We’ve started to veer dangerously close to fanboy territory at times, but I don’t think we yet crossed that particularly dangerous event horizon, from which no amount of effort will be able to extract it. And a whole new generation have been scared witless by the Master and got to realise the Daleks really aren’t that frightening compared to some of the stuff that’s out there.

We’ve also learned a few lessons this series:

  1. don’t waste Graeme Harper on episodes like 42; save him up for stuff like Utopia. Imagine how much better those last three episodes would have been with Graeme Harper helming all of them. Still, he’s only human and doing three episodes last year nearly wiped him out, so use him more wisely next year Rusty
  2. don’t let Chris Chibnall write anything ever again. Even on his best days, nearly everyone else is better
  3. Rusty really can write. It’s just sometimes he chooses not to

Here’s to next year, hey?

But before I sign off, I’d just like to say that The Medium is Not Enough has declared the third series of Doctor Who to be a two or “Partial Caruso” on The Carusometer quality scale. A Partial Caruso corresponds to “a show in which David Caruso might volunteer to cameo as an evil alien genius. However, he will then ruin every take by being unable to understand any actor with an English accent and asking them to repeat the line. Fortunately, some quick thinking by script writers ensures that he is zapped by something sonic and converted into 17 CGI, airbrushed versions of himself that only have one line each, each dubbed by Sam Jones as revenge for Flash Gordon.”

For all my shiny reviews of this series’ episodes, you only have to visit the Doctor Who 2007 category. Isn’t that handy?