Review: Sapphire and Steel – The Mystery of the Missing Hour

The Mystery of the Missing HourThere’s something about the Big Finish Sapphire and Steel plays. They make you acutely aware of time.

Tick tock. Tick tock. Your life is ebbing away. Tick tock. That’s two hours you could have been using for something else. Instead, you’re now two hours closer to being dead.

Certainly, for the first half of The Mystery of the Missing Hour, that’s how I was feeling (hence the somewhat tardy nature of this review – I wasn’t exactly desperate to get through this one). I even reached the point where I was considering pretending to have listened to the whole thing and reviewing it all the same.

It really was that bad. I’d even consider using a word beginning with s.

But I’m glad I’m conscientious enough to have stuck through it. Because disk two is a cracker.

Big Finish (and the writer Joseph Lidster) have essentially taken a huge gamble: that because you’ve ponied up the cash for the play, you’re going to listen to something that is deliberately complete crap and stick through to the end.

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Audio and radio play reviews

Review: Doctor Who – Frozen Time

Frozen TimeNicholas “I’m the voice of both the Daleks and the Cybermen, suckers” Briggs has been doing Doctor Who audio adventures for a very long time. A very long time indeed.

So it shouldn’t be absolutely surprising that despite the presence of Sylvester McCoy, the lack of any onscreen companion and the presence of former Bond girl Maryam D’Abo doing a really bad French accent, his latest writing project, Frozen Time, is actually a bit of corker.

I guess you could write a receipe of sorts about it: take one nifty sci-fi idea (Antarctica explorers unearth/un-ice a Police Box that’s been buried for millions of years and a mysterious man who starts to wake up), an old Doctor Who monster (not telling, so as not to spoil) and a healthy (not unhealthy) wodge of continuity, a relatively pacey plot, flashbacks and a tried and tested case of amnesia and you have a rather enjoyable way of spending your time.

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Audio and radio play reviews

Review: Doctor Who – The Wishing Beast/The Vanity Box

The Wishing BeastThere is a certain truth to the idea that what you can imagine is a whole lot spookier than what can be shown on-screen. With the minimal budget available to the Big Finish team, you’d have thought they’d have taken advantage of that simple premise to do their best trying to spook us with sound effects, rather than trying to pretend that battles between giant robot transformers sound good.

Hang on, they’ve tried spooky with Sapphire and Steel. I can understand their reticence now.

Anyway, they’re giving it another go with this slightly intriguing tale, in which two old ladies try to grant a wish for that amazing adventurer in time and space, Mel – and her companion, the Doctor – with the help of their pet dragon The Wishing Beast. There are ghosts. There’s a vacuum cleaner. And it alternates between silly and threatening.

Oh yes, it also comes with The Vanity Box, a one-episode play better described as Doctor Who: The Coronation Street Years.

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Audio and radio play reviews

Review: Doctor Who – Valhalla

ValhallaFirstly, can I just ask, “What the Hell happened to the Big Finish web site?” Have a look at it: it’s horrible!

Putting that to one side for a moment, though, does anyone actually look forward to the Sylvester McCoy releases? Just before I’m about to listen to one, I always feel like I’m in that Revels ad – you know, the spoof of Deer Hunter – and someone’s pre-loaded the bag with toffees.

For one gleaming moment, though, it looked like I was going to get a coffee-flavoured audio play with Valhalla. No Sophie Aldred. Good. Sylvester McCoy playing the Doctor all quiet and melancholic, with scarcely a word beginning with ‘r’ in sight. Excellent. Hints that we’re going for season 25 or 26, rather than 24, with the Doctor having a cunning plan up his sleeve from the beginning. Excellente.

Then, oh dear. Mango-flavoured.

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UK TV

“Blake!” Or alternatively, “Mutos!”

Blake's 7

Anyone else been sticking with the Blake’s 7 audio adventures over on the SciFi Channel? It’s by a bunch of ex-Doctor Who writers (from the glorious (?) Sylvester McCoy era) and stars none of the original cast. You’re probably not, because you have to listen to every episode via the cocking useless Flash player on their web site.

However, through the miracle of technology, I’ve been listening to it on my iPod, where it’s a tad more accessible. We’re up to episode 21 now. After a shaky first four or five episodes – there are 36 in all and they’re about five minutes each – it sort of settled down and is actually quite listenable.

There have been changes though, some of which will probably annoy fans and some of which are just rubbish or change for change’s sake. Blake and Servalan are both Scottish for one thing, Jenna’s American and Avon’s from South London apparently. Servalan’s coming across more like a slightly over-ambitious branch manager of Rumbelow’s, office partying her way to the top, than a space commander and Avon doesn’t sound like he’s even passed GCSE Computing yet. We’ve also lost all the good dialogue that characterised Blake’s 7 when it was really hitting its stride and there are no proper allowances for description: the Liberator may have used to have looked like a mosque on its side in the TV series but it might be a two-kilometre long tangerine by now for all we know.

We’ve also had a bit of a line-up upheaval, with Cally the crap telepath swapped out in favour of an equally crap Federation commander (no, not Tarrant, although it could have been him from that description) played by the omnipresent vocal talents of India Fisher. And horror of horrors, there’s no teleport or force wall and the Liberator has to do hyperspace jumps to get anywhere. Sacrilege!

Still, there have been some plot changes for the good. Blake and co haven’t had the easiest time of getting the Liberator and the still-unnamed Zen to do their bidding. Thanks to the mystery of why the Liberator was abandoned in the first place actually being explored this time, it’s also all quite eerie on that repossessed alien starship, which is a welcome change.

The episodes are kind of diverting, though, more because you keep wondering when they’re going to occasionally intersect with the TV series again rather than because it’s a great piece of work. And they haven’t really got cracking at the terrorism thing yet, which could make it all worthwhile. I’m going to stick with it and let you know whether to buy the inevitable CD set once it’s finished.