Streaming TV

What have you been watching? Including Ghosts and CSI: Vegas

It’s “What have you been watching?”, your chance to recommend to fellow TMINE readers anything you’ve been watching this week

What do more shows make? More fun! Obviously. Yes, the US has started pumping out some more new shows now we’re entering October, which makes I actually have something to write about instead of whinging the whole time.

I’ve actually tried a few new shows, but my tolerance threshold has been sharply reduced by Covid so I didn’t get as far watching more than a few minutes of them.

Squid Game (Netflix) seems to be the show all the cool kids are talking about right now. It’s a Korean drama that involves some childhood playground game called ‘the Squid Game’ that has absurdly complicated rules about getting into a zone and holding the zone and pushing and pulling and stuff.

All grown up, one of the players has a gambling problem that means he steals money from his mum. And then he gets called to play the same game as an adult, but with a few heavily modified, possibly lethal rules.

I didn’t get far enough to decide whether I liked it or not. It could have been the new Saw, in which case I’m glad I didn’t watch it. It could have been the new Parasite (2019), since there were aspects of the guy’s home set up that reminded me of the con-family’s home. Either way, it almost certainly wasn’t for me, judging by the trailer.

Also on the quick for the chop list was One of Us is Lying (US: Peacock), which seemed basically to be like a lethal version of The Breakfast Club (1985). Adapted from the novel of the same name by Karen M McManus, it follows five high school students who enter detention, where one of them dies under suspicious circumstances and an investigation ensues.

I’ve seen The Breakfast Club. I don’t want to watch the murder mystery young adult version. The programme also had me annoyed almost from the point I saw the poster for it. Bah! Kids!

But I did manage to watch all the way through to the end of two new shows.

CSI: Vegas (US: CBS)

Facing an existential threat* that could bring down the Crime Lab, a brilliant team of forensic investigators must welcome back old friends and deploy new techniques to preserve and serve justice in Sin City.

Rob says: ‘It’s nice to see old friends’

A limited series follow-up to CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, this sees a lot of the original (read: popular, alive, available, financially interested) show’s cast reunited for what can only be described as a very numpty, CSI: Miami plot.

Here, the now blind Jim Brass (Paul Guilfoyle) is attacked in his home by a killer, who’s been hired by someone with a grudge against the forensics lab. He lures back Sara Sidle (Jorja Fox), who teams up with the new crime lab nerds to investigate the mystery, which turns out to be linked to a kidnapper Brass put away. That in turn links in more former crime lab bods, including by the end of the episode Gil Grissom (William Petersen) – it’s not a spoiler if it’s in the main titles!

For the most part, this is the Sara show, pleasingly enough, as she mills about being shown the ways of the new lab and what advances have been made in forensics since her day, by new lab boss Paula Newsome. It all feels very backdoor pilot to a revival of the show, rather than just a limited series, but given that the new cast are some of the worst actors I’ve ever seen in a TV show, even an American TV show, even the Brits (Mandeep Dhillon), I doubt I’ll be tuning in for that, even if Sara and Gil stick around.

It’s all massive sci-fi nonsense, of course, and the attempts to create some new nerds with moderately different personalities from all their nerd predecessors is reasonably flawed. The plot, as usual, involves violence to women, women being abducted, etc, which is pretty distasteful. There’s various side-mysteries that need to be solve on the path to solving the main mystery.

Yet, it wasn’t bad. Seeing the old cast again was pleasing and Fox shows she could have been a decent TV lead if only she’d been given her own show. I might stick around for episode two, because my mother in law is a fan of the original and she might well like it. Let’s see what she says once she’s seen the first ep.

* An existential threat? Does Jean-Paul Satre have a knife at their throats?

Ghosts (US: CBS)

A young couple, whose dreams come true when they inherit a beautiful country house, only to find it’s both falling apart and inhabited by many of the deceased previous residents.

Rob says: ‘A decently funny adaptation of the BBC original’

This may sound familiar to you, given it’s based on the BBC show of the same name. However, since I largely gave up on UK TV about five years ago, it was all new to me.

And I quite enjoyed it!

Again, stop me if you’ve heard this already – or maybe it’s been artfully constructed to be as different from the original as possible – but while the story’s not that fresh (haunted home, young couple move in, ghosts are upset, but then one of the couple turns out to be able to see them), the show at least does something fun with the different ghosts and the couple.

The ghosts both represent ages past. Each ghost largely therefore represents a different minority group who was oppressed or another group with horrific prejudices; the newer ghosts understand tech better than old ghosts and so on.

So we the rich woman who runs the house having a hatred of the Irish, a gay Civil War soldier, a Black Southern flapper-singer, a 90s Wall Street broker with horrific misogynistic tendencies – all the way back to the Vikings and native Americans, in fact. Wall Street broker can go on about Tara Reid’s movies, old ghosts only know about movies, older ghosts still have to be reminded that’s theatre that’s projected while the oldest ghosts don’t know what projection is. You get the idea.

That formula actually lends itself though to some quick, sparky dialogue and self-deprecating dialogue that shows that no matter what era you’re from, there’s winners and losers, the bigoted and the enlightened for the time – who now look a bit backward. There’s also the occasional (but only very occasional) bit of horror, just to add a little bite to the meal.

The cast are all solidly funny. Rose McIver (I, Zombie) knows how to do supernatural and funny in her sleep, but to her credit stays awake and provides a good anchor point for the whole thing. Utkarsh Ambudkar (Free Guy) is capable of better but isn’t hugely subtle here; all the same, he provides a suitably strong counterpoint to McIver.

I really enjoyed the first episode, so I’ll be back for more.

The regulars

The regulars list is back down to two shows. For one week only, because it was the last episode of The Cleaner last week, with Greg Davies bumping into the woman (This is England‘s Jo Hartley) he’s been pining for since she dumped him on his 30th birthday: ‘The One’ of the title. As usual, it’s a two-hander with Davies generously giving Hartley as many zingers in the script as he gives himself.

But it’s also a poignant piece about growing old but not quite being old yet, moving on, deciding (or not deciding) what to do with your life and working out who is genuinely The One, with the episode title also presenting a pleasing ambivalency: Hartley is Davies’ ‘one’ (who got away) but is she ‘the one’; is he the ‘one’ she should never have left or is he ‘the one’ she escaped from; and is Davies’ ‘the one’ actually someone else and he’s been so hung up on the Hartley that he’s never realised that maybe there’s another ‘one’.

Although it has the least acting pyrotechnics and jokes of the series, for my money it was the best.

Only Murders in the Building also turned in the finest episode of the season so far, with the episode that (more or less) explained the show’s whole mystery. But with one character deaf, it was largely played out both in ASL and in near total silence, beyond the simulated sounds a deaf person might hear – the noises from their own body. It was a genuinely well done piece of TV that actually managed to integrate all the previous episodes together and make sense of them, too.

Don’t watch this unless you want to be spoiled, BTW, but it’s a pretty fascinating look at how they shot the whole thing. In particular, how will deaf viewers watching the episode know when it’s gone silent?

But what did you watch?

Film reviews

The TMINE multiplex: Infinite, The Green Knight and Batman Begins

In which Nat talks briefly about the movies she’s been watching this week for no particular reason and that probably don’t warrant proper reviews, but hey? Wouldn’t it be nice if we all chatted about them anyway?

I only act like I know everything, Rogers

Black Widow, Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

The TMINE multiplex is open again – and I promise you that unlike all the other cinemas in town, we won’t be showing No Time To Die (2021) on every screen, as we had an exclusive showing on Tuesday.

This week, we’ll be showing three movies. Somehow – I’m a secret genius! – I’ve themed them as a series of confessions… or maybe admissions:

  • Screen 1: Infinite (2021)
  • Screen 2: The Green Knight (2021)
  • Screen 3: Batman Begins (2005)

Then we can all hit the bar! In this dress and these shoes, I’m not going to be dancing for too long, but if you could get me a mojito, that would be super-sweet of you. Is that okay?

Continue reading “The TMINE multiplex: Infinite, The Green Knight and Batman Begins”
Film reviews

Review: No Time To Die (2021)

Directed by: Cary Joji Fukunaga
Screenplay by: Neal Purvis, Robert Wade, Cary Joji Fukunaga and Phoebe Waller-Bridge
Story by: Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and Cary Joji Fukunaga
On general release

James Bond has left active service. His peace is short-lived when Felix Leiter, an old friend from the CIA, turns up asking for help, leading Bond onto the trail of a mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology.

Nat says: ‘The best-looking Bond so far’

James Bond movies are weird, aren’t they? For as long as I can remember, they’ve been struggling to prove there’s still a point to them, in a post-feminist, post-Soviet, post-Islamist, post-Bourne digital age.

James Bond? A lone secret agent everyone knows and who never really goes undercover any more? Who has no technological skills so always has to rely on someone back at home base to help him? Who never speaks any foreign languages except English and who just goes around blowing things up? A man women find amazingly attractive, even though he has the conversational skills and charm of a speak-your-weight machine crossed with a book of cheesy chat-up lines that wouldn’t have worked on you when you were clubbing in your teens? A global jet-setter who visits exotic locales that most of us have either been to or could book a flight to with EasyJet on our phones right now?

That may have worked in the 60s. But now it takes some effort on the part of the movies to convince you it’s even slightly possible or interesting.

There aren’t many franchises that have that need to persuade you that they’re still relevant. They just stick dinosaurs on the screen or give their heroes new costumes and let the story persuade you.

Nevertheless, despite this constant soul-searching, such is the power of the Bond brand, the franchise carries on. Even I watch them! I’ve seen them all. Maybe there is something to them. Certainly, Daniel Craig can persuade you of most things, I suspect. That certainly helps.

But I think I watch Bond movies (when I do watch them) more because they are important and usually exciting, rather than because they’re good, because I like the character or set-up, or for social relevance. Even this year, Black Widow (2020) had more social relevance in its title sequence than the entire Daniel Craig series of Bond movies has had. I would say that, though, wouldn’t I?

No Time To Die is possibly the first Bond movie to really fix some of these problems with the character, almost by ignoring them, sometimes by using them to its advantage.

Continue reading “Review: No Time To Die (2021)”
Japan 2021
News

BFI Japan comes to big screens UK-wide this Autumn

Here’s some good news from the BFI about its rescheduled season of Japanese movies, which you can watch in cinemas or at home on the BFI Player. There are events all over the UK as well – I’m hoping I’ll be able to see or attend at least some of them.

There’s a trailer, too!

The BFI today announces highlights of the UK-wide programme for BFI JAPAN 2021: 100 YEARS OF JAPANESE CINEMA, coming to cinemas from October – December 2021. Highlights of the celebration will include a BFI re-release of Akira Kurosawa’s SEVEN SAMURAI (1954), a BFI JAPAN TOUR, featuring classics from Yasujirō Ozuand Akira Kurosawa, alongside cult titles from Kon Ichikawa and Toshio Matsumoto, which will feature many new 4K restorations and visit cinemas across the UK. For audiences who cannot attend a screening in their local cinema, there is a vast BFI JAPAN programme online on BFI Player Subscription. The BFI is also working closely with the National Lottery funded BFI Film Audience Network (FAN) to enable cinemas across the UK to host special screenings and events as part of BFI JAPAN

Seasons and events will include Day For Night’s Urban, Natural, Human – exploring Japan on screen programme, showing at HOME, Manchester, Close-Up Cinema in London and more and a tour of highlights from Queer East Film Festival at Midlands Arts Centre in Birmingham, Showroom Cinema in Sheffield, HOME, Manchester and Edinburgh Filmhouse. Belfast Film Festival (4 – 13 November) will present a selection of surrealist Japanese films and Cambridge Film Festival will present a curated strand of films for its 40th edition (18 – 25 November). In Scotland, Screen Argyll is bringing Japan: Family, Community and the Sea to the islands in the Hebrides. Over the Halloween weekend (30 – 31 October), Chapter in Cardiff will celebrate the films of Nobuhiko Ōbayashi including his cult comedy horror HAUSU (1977).

Originally scheduled to run in venues across the UK from May – September 2020, the season was moved online due to the pandemic. An unprecedented number of Japanese films were programmed on BFI Player while cinemas across the country remained closed, resulting in films in the BFI JAPAN collection being streamed on BFI Player in excess of 400,000 times since then. After the Olympic and Paralympic Games in Tokyo come to a close this summer, the BFI picks up the torch to shine a light on 100 years of Japanese cinema this autumn. 

BFI JAPAN will spotlight one of the world’s greatest cinematic traditions, one that has long inspired admiration and fascination among audiences and creatives the world over. Classic films by Akira KurosawaYasujirō Ozuand Kenji Mizoguchi regularly rank at the very top of critics’ all-time lists; Studio Ghibli leads the animated world in visionary imagination; while waves of innovators from the cinematic rebels of the 60s to today’s audio-visual live artists and video game auteurs take the moving image to thrilling new places. The influence of Japanese cinema cannot be overstated – Kurosawa in particular influenced Sergio Leone’s A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS – an often shot-for-shot remake of YOJIMBO (1961) – and John Sturges’ THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, adapted from SEVEN SAMURAI (1954); George Lucas has long acknowledged Kurosawa’s influence on STAR WARS, from the narrative and thematic elements to costumes and names. More recently, George Miller’s MAD MAX: FURY ROAD and video game GHOST OF TSUSHIMA, in which players can adopt ‘Kurosawa mode’, have paid loving homage to the master filmmaker.

PROGRAMME HIGHLIGHTS BY REGION:

UK-WIDE

A BFI UK-wide re-release of Akira Kurosawa’s seminal masterpiece SEVEN SAMURAI (1954), back in cinemas UK-wide from 29 October. Genuinely epic in scale and tone, Kurosawa’s hugely influential samurai movie is a towering achievement which has to be experienced on the big screen. Confirmed venues so far include HOME, Manchester, IFI Dublin and Bristol Watershed.

The BFI has also curated a BFI JAPAN TOUR, featuring classics from Yasujirō Ozu and Akira Kurosawa, alongside titles like Kon Ichikawa’s breathtakingly stylised AN ACTOR’S REVENGE (1963) and Toshio Matsumoto’skaleidoscopic masterpiece FUNERAL PARADE OF ROSES (1969). The tour will visit cinemas across the UK and will feature many new 4K restorations. Picturehouse cinemas across the UK (with venues in Edinburgh, Cambridge, Southampton, Exeter, York, Liverpool and many more) will present select titles from the tour in their ongoing reDiscover series, with key titles from Akira Kurosawa and Yasujirō Ozu screening at cinemas weekly from 17 October – 2 December

Day for Night is a UK-based independent film organisation working across the film exhibition, specialist distribution, access and screen translation sectors. Urban, Natural, Human – exploring Japan on screen is their curatorial project exploring representation of the built and natural environments framed within Japan’s historical, current and future contexts. The project, incorporating archive material, documentaries, artists’ moving image and contemporary films, will consist of seven in venue film screenings, including HOME in Manchester on 4 and 5 December, and Close-Up Cinema in London, 12 – 14 November. A programme of 10 features and 20 short films will also be made available online. Titles include BOOK, PAPER, SCISSORS (2019) by Nanako HiroseASCENT (2016) by Fiona TanMEMENTO STELLA (2018) by Takashi MakinoTENZO (2019) by Katsuya TomitaTHE INLAND SEA (1991) by Lucille Carra3.11 A SENSE OF HOME (2011) (various directors) and shorts by Kaori Oda. More titles are to be announced.

Following its second edition, which took place 15 – 26 September across eight venues in London, and showcased 37 films from 15 countries across East and Southeast Asia, Queer East Film Festival will be touring four highlights from its Focus Japan programme across four venues:

DAUGHTERS (2020) by Hajime Tsuda will be showing at the Midlands Arts Centre (MAC) in Birmingham on 28 October and at HOME, Manchester on 1 November. MERRY CHRISTMAS, MR LAWRENCE (1983) by NagisaŌshima will be showing at the MAC on 30 October. GOHATTO (1999) by Nagisa Ōshima will be showing on 35mm at the Edinburgh Filmhouse on 21 November. And for the 20th anniversary of its release, HUSH! (2001) by Ryosuke Hashiguchi, will be showing on 35mm at the Showroom Cinema, Sheffield on 3 December.

MIDLANDS

Phizzical Productions, a company specialising in film curation, exhibition and production, led by artistic director Samir Bhamra (UK Asian Film Festival) will be presenting a unique season exploring the connections and influences between Indian and Japanese cinema. The season will take place in November and December at Belgrade Theatre in Coventry. LOVE IN TOKYO (1966) by Pramod ChakravortyKONTORA (2019) by Anshul Chauhan and 8 THOTTAKAL (2017) by Sri Ganesh, will be among the films presented, alongside Akira Kurosawa’s SEVEN SAMURAI (1954) and STRAY DOG (1949).

NORTH

At the Yorkshire Silent Film Festival (12 – 17 October), A PAGE OF MADNESS (Teinosuke Kinugasa, 1926) will be presented at Abbeydale Picture House in Sheffield (17 October) with a live score by Sheffield duo In The Nursery. DRAGNET GIRL (Yasujirō Ozu, 1933) will be presented at The Leeds Library in Leeds (30 October) with an improvised live musical accompaniment by Irine Røsnes (violin) and Jonny Best (piano). 

From 19 – 21 November, the Showroom Cinema (Sheffield) will run its first Anime festival – Sheffield Loves Anime, celebrating the genre in all its breadth, from cult classics to contemporary works, and with a unique focus on women writers. The programme, co-curated with Anime LTD and the Scotland Loves Anime film festival, will see A SILENT VOICE (2016) by Naoko YamadaLOOKING FOR MAGICAL DOREMI (2020) by Yu Kamatani and Jun’ichi Satō and CYBER CITY OEDO 808 (1990) by Yoshiaki Kawajiri screened alongside introductions, Q&As and other activities including a Japanese board game afternoon by Treehouse Board Game Café.

NORTHERN IRELAND 

As part of its 21st edition, Belfast Film Festival at the Beanbag Cinema (4 – 13 November) will present a selection of surrealist Japanese films including: WIFE! BE LIKE A ROSE! (Mikio Naruse, 1935) THE MANWITHOUT A MAP (1968) by Hiroshi Teshigahara and EXTREME PRIVATE EROS LOVE SONG 1974 (1974) directed by Kazuo Hara and produced by Sachiko Kobayashi. The project is developed and curated in collaboration with three young programmers: Ruairi McCann, James Hall and Meicheng Zhou who are taking part in the Belfast Film Festival intern programmers initiative.

SCOTLAND

Screen Argyll is bringing Japan: Family, Community and the Sea to the islands in the Hebrides. STILL THE WATER (Naomi Kawase, 2014), GIOVANNI’S ISLAND (Mizuho Nishikubo, 2014) and PONYO (Hayao Miyazaki, 2008) will be among the titles presented. Lecturer and writer Roy Stafford will produce film notes and an illustrated talk on Japanese island communities and their representation on screen, as well as facilitate post screening discussions. Whalley Range All Stars’s show, GODZILLA v the FATBERG, a 20-minute action-packed story told in the kamishibai style, will be recorded and presented to audiences, and followed by a kamishibai workshop. The screenings and events will take place mid-November to December.

SOUTH EAST AND LONDON

The 40th Cambridge Film Festival (18 – 25 November) will present a curated strand of five Japanese films at the Arts Picturehouse, Cambridge:

POUPELLE OF CHIMNEY TOWN (2020) by Yusuke Hirota (UK Premiere)

DRIVE MY CAR (2021) by Ryusuke Hamaguchi

WHEEL OF FORTUNE AND FANTASY (2021) by Ryusuke Hamaguchi

JUST THE TWO OF US (2020) by Keita Fujimoto

SALARY MAN (2021) by Allegra Pacheco (UK Premiere)

WHEEL OF FORTUNE AND FANTASY, JUST THE TWO OF US and SALARY MAN will also be available online UK-wide (21 November – 5 December) as part of the festival’s online programme.

Reading Biscuit Factory is a brand new, three-screen independent cinema located in the town centre. For BFI JAPAN, the venue is celebrating the breadth and variety of Japanese filmmaking, from Kurosawa to Koreeda, from J-Horror to eroticismand from samurai to cyberpunk, tracing the evolution of Japanese cinema over the past 75 years. Featuring newly-remastered classics such as SEVEN SAMURAI (1954) and GHOST IN THE SHELL(1995) by Mamoru Oshii and the very latest releases including DRIVE MY CAR (2021) by Ryusuke Hamaguchi, it will also include special events in partnership with academic staff from the University of Reading, director Q&As, and presentations of FUNERAL PARADE OF ROSES (1969) by Toshio Matsumoto and the documentary QUEER JAPAN (2019) by Graham Kolbeins as part of a special LGBTQIA+ strand in association with Queer East Film Festival. The programme will run from the end of October and throughout November and will also feature displays and demonstrations of Japanese arts and crafts. 

As previously announced, there will be a major two-part season at BFI Southbank from 18 October – 30 December, featuring screenings, contextual introductions and events. Part one of the season (18 October – 30 November) surveys the great Japanese studio era from the 1930s to the early 1960s and part two (1 – 30 December) features 20th century Japanese films made after 1964, including the New Wave and genre classics of the 1990s. Full details can be found in the BFI JAPAN press release: 

SOUTH WEST 

In celebration of the BFI’s Japan season, expanded cinema practitioners Compass Presents are programming a day-long celebration of Japanese cinema and celebration on Saturday 9 October with events taking place in Millennium Square and a special ticketed screening and food pairing taking place at Watershed in Bristol. The day-long celebration will feature live cooking demonstrations, Taiko Drumming, cultural workshops and games, as well as full length feature screenings of acclaimed Japanese films including OUR LITTLE SISTER (2016) by Hirokazu Koreeda and YOUR NAME (2016) by Makoto Shinkai.

Ahead of a restored screening of SEVEN SAMURAI (1954) at Bristol Watershed, The Bristol Bad Film Club, renamed The Bristol Bushido Film Club for the occasion, will present a one-off screening of SHOGUN ASSASSIN(1980) by Robert Houston on Wednesday 3 November, complete with a live DJ set by DJ Cheeba and an introduction by Juice Aleem of AfroFlux.

WALES

Over the Halloween weekend (30 – 31 October), international centre for contemporary arts and culture Chapter, in Cardiff, will celebrate the films of director Nobuhiko Ōbayashi. His cult film HAUSU (1977), drawing on ideas furnished by his young daughter, will be presented alongside a selection of Ōbayashi’s short films, and followed by a discussion on the power of young women on screen, led by a group of young programmers. The weekend will also include conversations on women and folklore in Japanese culture, as well as zine-making and craft workshops.

Streaming TV

What have you been watching? Including La Brea

It’s “What have you been watching?”, your chance to recommend to fellow TMINE readers anything you’ve been watching this week

Surprisingly, last week’s huge flurry of new shows seems to have been the extent of the Fall season in North America. I assumed it would be bigger and longer than… a week. Maybe there’ll be more this month, but that would involve me looking to find out. Sounds like work, doesn’t it?

I prefer to just bump into new shows these days. Did you know IMDb TV is going to be a thing? I’d heard a bit about it and knew there was a new Judge Judy show on it, but that’s about it, so figured it was just reality TV.

But now I’ve just stumbled onto the fact that apparently, they’ve rebooted Leverage with the entire original cast and Noah Wyle but not Timothy Hutton (for very, very obvious reasons). And here’s a trailer for Leverage: Redemption, which is going to start in just a few weeks. Isn’t that some good stumbling?

I also stumbled across Fires, which is ABC (Australia)’s retelling of last year’s wildfires in Australia. Remember when that was going to be the thing of 2020?

Anyway, that’s just started but is verboten in this house, on the grounds it’s about something real and miserable.

That meant the only new show I have to share with you is this piece of rubbish.

© NBC

La Brea (US: NBC)

A massive sinkhole mysteriously opens up in Los Angeles, separating part of a family in an unexplainable primeval world, alongside a disparate group of strangers.

Rob says: ‘Lost meets The Lost World = Twice as Lost’

It’s pretty obvious right from the outset of La Brea that this is going to be an awful TV show. All the standard tools for character compression get thrown out like balls from a tennis practice machine, with us clear within the first minute of a random car journey to school that the three characters have moved house, are a family, one has lost her leg somehow, have left the father somewhere else for ‘reasons’, the mum (Natalie Zea) is feeling guilty of being a ‘helicopter mom’ and more. Not for a moment is it natural dialogue.

By minute two, a massive sinkhole has opened up and we’re having car chases on pavements in reverse, people running out the way, buildings falling and more.

Never for one second are you expected to be bored or to have to use your brain. Don’t worry – you won’t need it.

Before you know it, half our family are in a grassy wonderland that looks a bit Canadian that’s apparently under LA somehow, the other half are stuck up above and think the first lot are dead. But fear not, they’ve just fallen down some kind of portal into a primeval dimension, filled with CGI wolves, sabretooth tigers and sort of vultures.

Meanwhile, Air Force dad (Eoin Macken from Nightflyers) turns out to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia but – oh wow, isn’t this handy and coincidental – has actually been having visions of what’s happening in this parallel world and can now see that his wife and all these other helpfully diverse people (surgeon/Navy SEALs, psychologist with guns, heroin smugglers) are all still alive! And must be saved! Please believe him!

One of the characters references Lost. I presume that’s as a sort of preemption to prevent people from accusing it of being Lost. “We’re not going to point out the similarities if we actually are just doing Lost are we?”

It is Lost. Sorry. That little ruse didn’t work for Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct; it won’t work here either.

But it’s also The Lost World. That’s a really hard one to portmanteau with Lost, isn’t it? Shall we just say it’s twice as Lost?

Clearly, it’s The Lost World. Maybe even Verne’s Journey to the Centre of the Earth. Or more likely that thing with Doug McLure.

Anyway, it’s terrible. Everyone’s stupid. There wasn’t even one moment of plausibility in the whole thing, even before the sinkhole opened up. The effects are poor. The set-up is dumb. Even Natalie Zea can’t save this one.

And, of course, it’s an NBC show with a central ‘secret’ that will be eked out across multiple seasons and then cancelled before there’s any real resolution, unless Netflix saves it (cf Manifest). And this one is going to get cancelled very quickly. That means there are even fewer reasons to watch it.

The regulars

Otherwise, it was just the regulars. So, first up, I’m not going to be reviewing What We Do In The Shadows any more. For starters, I’m getting a bit bored of it, so I’m not sure there’s much point. It’s a bit funny every week, but that’s about it. There’ll probably be one awesome episode this season, which seems to be the tradition, but one awesome episode isn’t really enough to sustain reviews.

It’s also a comedy and as with Modern Family, which I did watch until the final episode but stopped reviewing at about season 4, there’s only so much you can say about an episodic comedy anyway before there stops being a point. So I’m going to keep watching What We Do In the Shadow but not review it.

Only Murders in the Building gave us more of Selena Gomez’s character, but as usual, Martin Short steals the show with his podcast antics.

The Cleaner was a more interesting affair, since it was basically Greg Davies (old bloke) meeting some young guy who’s obsessed with both social media and the 80s and Davies educating him about what the 80s was really like. But the two also came to a sort of interesting rapprochement that I quite enjoyed, so it wasn’t just an old guy going ‘Tsk, tsk! The kids today, hey?’

But what did you watch?