In which Nat talks briefly about the movies she’s been watching this week for no particular reason and that probably don’t warrant proper reviews, but hey? Wouldn’t it be nice if we all chatted about them anyway?
I’m really hoping this feature will take off. What do you think? Is it catchy enough?
This week, we have three screens playing The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021), Tango & Cash (1989) and Road House (1989)
Screen 1: The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021)
The bodyguard Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) continues his friendship with assassin Darius Kincaid (Samuel L Jackson) as they try to save Darius’ wife Sonia (Salma Hayek)
Nat says: ‘Oh dear. Oh wait! Oh, never mind’
This is a sequel to The Hitman’s Bodyguard (2017). I’m not sure anyone really wanted a sequel, since it was quite a bad movie, the sort of film that feels like an investment opportunity put together by asset management funds in Benelux and the Bahamas to give terrorists a chance to avoid paying taxes. But here it is, reuniting the cast and the director.
The first half is dreadful. It tries hard to recreate the same scenario as the first movie, with Reynolds and Jackson now hating one another again, without really understanding the characters. There are fewer jokes, the action is poor and even the usually reliable cast struggle to give the movie life. It has Antonio Banderas playing a Greek man who’s upset with the EU’s treatment of his country so kidnaps its ‘leader’. Every so often, it cuts to a picture of ‘Athens’ that usually isn’t (but sometimes is) Athens. It’s just poor.
I also really dislike it, since most of the jokes are about Hayek being both a sexual women and one who swears a lot. Look at here run! Look at her breasts wobble! Isn’t that funny? Women running? Women with big breasts running?
Did the world just stop turning on its axis, beholding such innovation in writing? I don’t think so.
About halfway through, though, just as I was about to give up on it, the movie decides it wants to be something different: a flat-out comedy. Suddenly, it’s just Reynolds being Deadpool again. There are jokes about what sort of movie they’re homaging. Reynolds’ much-alluded-to father is revealed to be (spoiler alert) Morgan Freeman and Samuel L Jackson’s reaction to that piece of hubris is priceless. It actually all starts to work and to entertain.
But should you watch it, just so you can watch that second half? No.
The wonderful Rebecca Front appears in it a bit. She’s funny. But her scenes are all in the trailer, too.Continue reading “The TMINE multiplex: The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, Tango & Cash and Road House”