Apparently, the best people to advertise Jaguars are British actors who’ve all played villains in superhero blockbusters. Who knew? Whatever the response, on 2nd February, expect Tom Hiddleston, Sir Ben Kingsley and Mark Strong to trying to flog you cars.
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In the US: Fridays, 10/9c, SyFy
In the UK: Mondays, 10pm, Channel 5. Starts January 20th
Normally, I do love a killer virus TV show or movie. Whether it’s The Andromeda Strain (original or remake), Outbreak, The Burning Zone, The Satan Bug or anything else, I loves them.
You know what else I love? I also love stuff by Ronald D Moore, the exec producer of Battlestar Galactica.
So I was thoroughly looking forward to his new show Helix, in which a brave group of scientists from the CDC in the US travel to a secret research facility in the Arctic to investigate the outbreak of a brand new ‘retro-virus’ (ooh, actual biological terms being used – count me in). Queue the paranoia. Queue the tension. I mean that’s The Thing (kind of), The Andromeda Strain (secret lab) and The X-Files episode Ice. Brilliant!
Except… as always, the devil is in the details and while everyone is trying ever so hard to make this scary and upsetting and horrifying, it’s all falling just a little bit short. Here’s a trailer.
In Canada: Saturdays, 9pm (EST), Space
In the US: Mondays, 10pm (EST), SyFy
In the UK: Acquired by SyFy for 2014 broadcast
Are werewolves sexy? I didn’t think vampires were, but apparently they are. Maybe it’s a Canadian thing, what will all the forests, because fresh out of Canada, here comes Bitten, in which Laura Vandervoort is the only female werewolf in the world (Toronto), the rest of her largely topless male ‘pack’ along for the ride and sexy times.
Vandervoort is trying to make a goer of living in the non-lupine world, except it’s not that easy when there are other packs and she has to get naked a lot at inopportune moments or when she just fancies it. Although to be fair, the female to male nudity is roughly 50/50, albeit the female side entirely Vandervoort (why she even bothers wearing clothes in this, I don’t know – must be hell on the dry cleaning).
The plot’s incredibly tedious and as is apparently the law with modern female-centric fantasy (eg Twilight, Lost Girl), is all about relationships, elaborate world-building based around families and bloodlines, being unique and the focus of everybody’s attention, and dealing with bitchy other women who don’t like your clothes. There are the usual tropes about women being punished/attacked/shamed/torn into little pieces for having sexual desire and most of the episode involves people meeting to chat about things, rather than anything too interesting. The dialogue is even worse, much akin to listening to dogs howl.
Still, if watching largely unsexy sex and/or various Canadian actors getting naked for no true plot-advancing reasons is your thing, Bitten should be fine. I personally prefer to get my teeth into something a bit more meaty, myself. Gosh, aren’t I funny?
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