In the US: Thursdays, 9/8c, The CW In the UK: Acquired by E4 In Canada: Thursday 9:00pm ET/6:00pm PT
You know, if I hadn’t just tried to watch Nashville, I would have described this as the most painful new drama on TV this season. But I have, and since Nashville was like having bleach poured into both ears while having my eyeballs scrubbed with an electric sander, I’m going to be relatively charitable to Beauty and the Beast, even though it almost certainly doesn’t deserve it.
For those with long memories like me, Beauty and the Beast isn’t just a Disney movie*. It’s also a 1980s CBS TV series starring Terminator‘s Linda Hamilton as Catherine (aka The Beauty) and Sons of Anarchy‘s Ron Perlman as Vincent (aka The Beast). Thorny gender politics to one side for a moment, what was interesting about the series was that it asked the question: can you truly love someone who’s just downright ugly? Okay, Vincent looked like a fluffy lion crossed with Jon Bon Jovi – and they’d have been better off leaving Ron Pearlman au naturel if they’d wanted to really go for the beast angle – but bestiality isn’t exactly the flavour of the day now any more than it was then:
25 years on, CBS is remaking its old show at The CW’s behest. Not such an eccentric idea – in fact, ABC was considering making a live action version of the Disney movie this year, too, but eventually decided not to.
But a quarter of a century later, ethics and aesthetics have moved on. Twilight has come and is just about to go. Manscaping has arrived, moisturiser is everywhere and any man who hasn’t had a protein shake in the last two days isn’t a real man. So the question is, can a show in which a woman falls in love with a man who isn’t hunky, smooth and glittering but because he has a nice personality, possibly get off the ground?
The CW asked the computer, the computer said ‘No’, and lo and behold, for the modern day Beauty and The Beast, we have something a bit more Twilight – a man who turns into a bit of an animal when the adrenaline flows but otherwise is king of the pretty boys beyond a bit of a scar on his cheek.
Hammer is of course best known for its Dracula movies, starring Christopher Lee as Count Dracula and Peter Cushing as his nemesis, Van Helsing. Hammer milked these for all they were worth during the 60s, but come the 70s, it was getting harder and harder to squeeze new stories out of the old reliables. At the end, Hammer was resorting to the likes of Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, which married Dracula and Van Helsing with kung fu movies:
So Hammer looked to other ways of expanding their vampire franchises. Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter was their most famous effort and most experimental. Written and directed by Avengers stalwart Brian Clemens (the movie was produced by Albert Fennell and the music written by Laurie Johnson, too), this subverted the traditional Hammer story away from the vampire towards the vampire hunter, Captain Kronos, a pot-smoking hedonist and swordfighter, who’s helped by a hunchback and gypsy woman in the movie.
As I said – experimental.
Unfortunately, patchy distribution meant that the intended sequels never emerged, but there have since been novelisations and even a comic picking up the Kronos story. And here it is in glorious HD for you. Enjoy!
Turns out, our David can’t hold his drink. Makes him a little sleepy-weepy. He’ll be back on Tuesday, though, don’t worry.
Sister Chastity, Hebbie: 20
Toby: 10
Sitting Board of Winners 2012 January
Hebbie, Sister Chastity
February
Sister Chastity
March
Sister Chastity
April
Sister Chastity, Shilohforever
May
Hebbie, Sister Chastity
June
Hebbie, Sister Chastity
July
Hebbie
August/September
Toby, Sister Chastity
Got a picture of David Tennant sitting, lying down or in some indeterminate state in between? Then leave a link to it below or email me and if it’s judged suitable and doesn’t obviously infringe copyright, it will appear in the “Sitting Tennant” gallery. Don’t forget to include your name in the filename so I don’t get mixed up about who sent it to me.
The best pic in the stash each week will appear on Tuesday and get ten points; the runners up will appear on Friday (one per person who sends one in) and get five points.
Each month, I’ll name the best picture provider and then at the end of the year, the overall champion will be announced for 2012!
