Things I learnt from watching television last week

24: As long as something exciting happens all the time, I can watch the most mindless drivel.

30 Rock: Manatee. Hee, hee!

Battlestar Galactica: It is possible for Starbuck to be boring.

Heroes: Even people you suspect can’t act will start acting if you give them something to do. “Claire-bear” can reduce a grown man to tears. Sniff.

Jericho: Flashbacks are only interesting if you give a monkey’s about the flasher. If you know what I mean.

Lewis: Occasionally the writers can be funny. Lewis “not a professional Northerner”? Hee hee!

Lost: Oh yes. Lost used to be fun. I remember now.

Primeval: As long as something exciting happens all the time, I can watch the most mindless drivel. Also, the right backing track for a flock of dodos is Kasabian’s “Club Foot”.

The Unit: Eric Haney should be allowed to write episodes, too, not just Lynn Mamet as I suggested last week – another lesson learned. Also, all previous attempts to write realistic war dialogue have been rubbish: if it was authentic, we wouldn’t understand a word of it, as Haney has just proved. I had to watch it twice to work out what was going on.