Thought that would get your attention.
How, you might ask, did I come to that conclusion? Simple. I saw Monday’s episode of CSI: Miami.
Now we all know CSI: Miami is a little bit rubbish. For many people, that’s the sole reason to watch. I’m pretty sure the producers know it’s as stupid as trying to get Jack Bauer to wear a peace poppy and write it stupider, just to please us.
Now I’m going to have to spoil Monday’s episode for this, so if you haven’t watched it, stop reading now.
Monday’s episode was astronomically stupid. It was so thick, you’d have to travel at the speed of light for an entire sweep’s week before you reached the end of its thickness.
We had identical triplets pretending to be the same woman. They swap places when convenient, including swapping the first one out for nine months so that another of them can get pregnant by her husband. And he doesn’t notice, even after she’s given birth!
David Caruso doesn’t. He says those lines like he means them.
Then they have him killed by shooting him so that he falls and impales himself on an ice sculpture. But, surprise! The man they killed is actually a double he uses for public occasions. And the CSIs find out about the triplets and work out which one was the murderer because the one that went to Africa had had vaccinations and that showed up in a blood drop at the scene.
Wow. That’s stupid.
Now imagine you’re David Caruso. You have to say these lines. You’re not stupid. You know they are, though.
Imagine it. Wouldn’t you be laughing your arse/ass off the whole time? Wouldn’t you actually find it physically impossible to say those lines with a straight face?
David Caruso doesn’t. He says those lines like he means them.
Now, okay, there are his extraordinarily interesting physical mannerisms, like the odd angles he talks to people at. And those sunglasses he always puts on. Maybe he’s like Tom Baker: he doesn’t just want to act – he wants to be interesting.
So have a thought for the unsung talents of David Caruso, a man of iron will and self-discipline. And maybe some kind of back problem. And allergy to sunlight. He should have them looked at.
