James Bond

Ian Fleming’s BS continued

2 June 2006 Rob Buckley Post a comment

Stu and I were having a nice little chat about Ian Fleming’s capacity for BS, back on my earlier laugh at the psychology in The Man with the Golden Gun. Stu you are so right. Fleming was the king of BS.

I’m working my way through Goldfinger now, having previously only thumbed through it a couple of times in a book shop, and came to this cracking piece of martial arts BS. The Korean Oddjob, Goldfinger’s chauffeur, has just smacked his way through some oak bannisters on a staircase as a demo of his fighting power.

Bond: I was very impressed by that chauffeur of yours. Where did he learn that fantastic combat stuff? Where did it come from? Is that what the Koreans use?

Goldfinger: Have you ever heard of karate? No? Well that man is one of the three men in the world that have achieved the black belt in karate. Karate is a branch of judo… Karate is based on the theory that the human body has five striking surfaces and 37 vulnerable spots…

Wow. That man can really tell porkies. I’m in awe.

The beauty of early psychology in pulp novels

1 June 2006 Rob Buckley 10 Comments

I’ve been working my way through Ian Fleming’s James Bond books of late. Cos I’m inherently lazy and I’d fall asleep if I were actually reading them (early commute), I’m listening to them on my iPod, mind – what’s even less taxing than reading a James Bond? Listening to a James Bond book.

I’m currently listening to The Man with the Golden Gun, which like almost all the books has virtually nothing to do with the movies and vice versa. It’s slightly amusing anyway since the man reading them tries to do the accents and he’s not the world’s best at that; now imagine a book set on Jamaica, where half the characters appear to be Pakistani…

But then I get to this cracking psychological analysis of Scaramanga, the villain.

“I read recently a profile of Scaramanga in Time magazine. It mentioned something that was barely commented on, but I think is important. It said Scaramanga can’t whistle. Although it may be hearsay, I think there is an element of truth to the suggestion that homosexuals cannot whistle.”

There’s a lot of that kind of rubbish in the Bond books, although you can never be quite sure whether Fleming’s taking the piss – the books get a little more knowing as the series goes on. There’s Pussy Galore in Goldfinger who gets ‘cured’ of her lesbianism by Bond – she was raped when younger and that put her off men, but one night with Bond fixed her. And then there’s From Russia With Love, where the villain has to murder people during the full moon because he’s manic depressive.

But you’ve got to love 1950s psychology, haven’t you? They came up with some outstanding stuff, all cloaked with the authority of science. All the movies and books picked up on it and now we have an entire decade of media that is entirely laughable thanks to their attempt to use science to guide their plotting and characterisation.

Ross Kemp: a mean actor

30 May 2006 Rob Buckley Post a comment

Today’s Metro has this amusing bit in “The Green Room: Celebrities behind closed doors”:

EastEnder Ross Kemp could be in line for a role in a Bond film. The actor is top of the list for a part as a baddie in the next epic after new 007 Daniel Craig told bosses what a mean actor he was.

What’s he going to be? A former SAS man (super army soldier) gone bad?

Bond is back

5 May 2006 Rob Buckley 2 Comments

Well, after all the mickey taking I did of Daniel Craig, there’s finally some signs of non-awfulness emerging from the depths of Casino Royale. Here’s the English trailer for it. It’s not the full reboot I was expecting, given there’s at least a couple of stupid OTT scenes in there, but it still has some potential, by the looks of it. And I actually think Daniel Craig is quite a passable Bond by the looks of it.

Soho celebrity sightings

22 March 2006 Rob Buckley 1 Comment

It’s an exciting game you can all play when you’re wandering London’s media capital. Keep your eyes peeled and score ten points for a movie star, five points for a TV star and one point for a star from any other medium, such as radio or theatre. Double your score if you spot the star inside a building rather than outside. You can also double the score if the person you’ve spotted hasn’t been famous for the last five years. Treble it if they’re in a movie on release at the moment.

As an example, I spotted John Hurt on Broadwick Street yesterday. That means I get ten points for a movie star, five points because he also does TV work, one point for theatre work, one point for radio work and that’s all trebled because he’s in V for Vendetta, making a grand total of 51 points. If he’s done stuff in other media, I can’t think of it right now, so even if he has, that doesn’t count (we’re on Cribbage and Poker rules here).

As you can see, the points can add quickly, so regard them as having a conversion rate of 1 celebrity spotting to 1 Nectar point: in other words, you get £2.50 for 500 points, which can be used to buy a pint, rent a DVD, whatever, when you finish playing the game.

Soho’s definitely the best place to play this, incidentally. Desmond Llewellyn (Q from the Bond movies) once wandered into our offices, convinced we were an audio dubbing suite, and I scored big. Oh yes: the celebrities come to you at Soho – you don’t have to find them.