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Marvel at the concept of the William Shatner DVD club

William Shatner, laughing all the way to the bankI’m not making this up. There really is a William Shatner DVD club. Every month you’ll get a DVD selected by William Shatner himself (maybe) as well as a newsletter with Shatner’s reviews of movies. There’s even a chance to vote in weekly polls on Shatner’s best Star Trek performances.

“But what kind of movies will I get if I join Billy’s DVD club?” I hear you ask.

Why, ‘Underground hits no one else has’, of course!

By which, of course, they mean absolute bollocks B-movies that no one with any sense will watch and which probably cost $0.99 in the bargain bin – but to you, discerning sci-fi fan, only $4 by post. Films like Immortel: ‘New York 2095. In a strange pyramid floating in the sky, gods of ancient Egypt are judging Horus…’

The sad thing is, I’m absolutely convinced dozens of sci-fans will join. Twats. At least Shatner can laugh all the way to the bank. Did you know that during the dot.com bubble, he was the highest paid actor in the world? Now he’s doing this and All Bran ads. Weird, huh?

The difference between the US and UK SciFi channels

Well, there are a few differences, but the big one is the US SciFi channel actually makes new shows. Admittedly, the UK channel does, too, but they’re either video review shows or they’re “Tales from the Conventions”. Plus there’s that new one with Michael Ironside that they’re co-producing with Canadian TV. But other than that, they don’t make shows.

In the US, they make lots of shows. They make really god-awful B-movie sci-fi films, usually starring the likes of Joe Lando (remember him from Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman?) and Bruce Campbell. They make silly shows about alien abductions and psychic powers. But they also make shows like Battlestar Galactica, Stargate SG-1 and Stargate: Atlantis.

Just to ram their American superiority in our faces just a little bit more, they’ve unveiled a new slate of programming. To really start kicking sand in our eight-stone faces, they’re launching a prequel to BSG called Caprica that focuses on the times leading up to the creation of the cylons. While the phrase “television’s first science fiction family saga” sends chills down my spine, so did “remake of Battlestar Galactica” until I actually watched the new show. So I’ll flag Caprica as ‘sounds bad, will probably be very good indeed’ for you to note in your calendars.

Then there’s Snap about ‘a Federal agent who uncovers a deep-seated and seemingly unstoppable conspiracy’. Now that does sound pants and probably will be, too. Persons Unknown (‘a surreal mind-game of a series centering on a group of strangers who awaken in a deserted town with no memory of how they arrived, only to realize that there is no escape’) could be good, although I suspect I’ll spend most of the time looking for bits they may have half-inched off The Prisoner.

The Bishop just sounds inherently amusing: ‘from executive producers and writers Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Conrad Jackson, this one-hour drama revolves around a young slacker whose charmed life is disrupted when he discovers that he has a supernatural gift’. The power to carry a crook. In fact, I could swear Monty Python did a sketch about a fake crime show called ‘The Bishop’ – so best to steer clear of that one I think unless you fancy a laugh.

Blink again sounds like a rip-off, this time of Canadian show The Collector: ‘A group of Afterlife investigators try to help those about to make the wrong choice, in the blink of an eye before destiny is sealed forever.’ Could be good, could be bad, but as if having a show exec produced by Freddie Prinze Jr weren’t enough, this one’s exec-produced by Will from Will and Grace. What next? Shows produced by the Crazy Frog?

Last show of interest is a mini-series based on classic piece of 70s cobblers, Chariots of the Gods. Since that was in some way the inspiration for the worst movie ever made, Hangar 18, I’m dead set against it from the outset.

Nevertheless, compare that with the UK’s SciFi channel and you’ll have to admit, it’s a damn sight more impressive. Curse those Americans, their advanced economy and their high production values.

Hex is hexed

It was rubbish, so no surprises here (other than its initial commissioning), but Hex has been cancelled. No third season then for the uneasy combo of teenagers talking about sex ridiculous amounts while being plagued by poorly CGI-ed ghosts and demons.

This, incidentally, was one of the first moves by Sky One’s new director of programmes, Richard Woolfe. A man with taste. Promising.

Prison Break resumes its plummet into absurdity

Ah. I am so gratified. Prison Break sounds like a stupid idea, right from the get-go: man commits crime so he can get sent to the exact same prison as his brother, the same prison he designed and whose plans he has tattooed on his body. How dumb is that? Nevertheless, over the past season it’s done it’s lovely best to fix the obvious flaws in its set-up.

But this week’s episode proved magnificent in terms of returning us back to its initial level of implausibility again. Because this week, the evil “Company” everyone kept talking about that we all thought was the CIA, turned out to be something even better. It’s a secret group of multinationals that secretly and in secret run the entire world! They appoint politicians, judges, everyone!

Magnificent. Now all it has to do is beat CSI: Miami to take the title of silliest but most engrossing show on US television. That’ll take some doing though.

UPDATE: I’m watching last night’s episode of CSI: Miami right now and “Ryan Wolfe” just asked a woman out on a date. He invited her to a Mexican wrestling match! Prison Break has nothing on this!

The dubious delights of disease

I was ill yesterday. You could probably tell since I thought David Tennant’s hairstyle was an interesting thing to blog about.

Anyway, I’m not used to being ill. Whole households can get devastated by illness while I’m staying with them and I’ll have a mild headache for 10 minutes at worst. No disease can do me in for more than 24 hours though, so I’m back to full health again. Hoorah.

Omega Factor DVD front coverBut yesterday, I was ill. So being out of practice with illness, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I tried watching The Omega Factor again, in preparation for a review I’m writing. That nearly put me to sleep, because I’ve seen it a few times now. So following on from my earlier discussion of the best audio commentaries ever, I decided to have a listen to the audio commentary for Anchorman.

Anchorman DVD's front coverI have to say, that was the weirdest commentary I’ve ever heard. It was practically a movie by itself. It had guest stars who hadn’t even appeared in the movie, including singing legend Lou Rawls, who seemed very mystified to be there. It had action scenes, with Will Ferrell pretending to have his nose crushed and claiming that cartilage was streaming down his face. It was very, very odd. Not especially funny. But entertaining in the same way as performance art is. Worth listening to in a mind-expanding way. The film’s a lot funnier, incidentally.