Articles by Natalia Romanova

Director: Andy Serkis
Writers: Kelly Marcel (screenplay by), Tom Hardy (story by), Todd McFarlane(Marvel’s Venom character created by)

On general release

Eddie Brock attempts to reignite his career by interviewing serial killer Cletus Kasady, who becomes the host of the symbiote Carnage and escapes prison after a failed execution.

Nat says: ‘Can someone translate this into girl for me?’

Venom: Let There Be Carnage follows on almost immediately from the end credits scene of Venom (2018), which was a movie I was surprised to find I really liked. I was expecting a sort of superhero Real Housewives bitch fight.

But what I got was something that while a bit silly – and, yes, a bit Real Housewives – was also funny. I also do enjoy Tom Hardy in most things and he really seemed to be enjoying himself, too. The man jumped into a tank in a restaurant and ate a live lobster! It was hard not to love it as a result. Honest!

Importantly, I also could follow what was going on. It wasn’t hard. Aliens from outer space are brought to Earth. To survive, they need to achieve a symbiosis with a human host. Most humans don’t make good hosts, but Tom Hardy’s failed journalist Eddie Brock proves to be a great host for one alien called Venom.

At first, Venom seems to be evil and wanting purely to eat humans. However, over time, it becomes clear that Venom may give Hardy superstrength, speed, indestructibility and a really, really bad make-over, but he’s actually a bit of a loser on his own world and a terrible coward when faced by the alphas of his own kind.

That seemed quite fresh to me, after countless sci-fi movies with indestructible, motiveless nasty aliens that like to kill everyone with their sharp, pointy bits. Yuck.

By the end, Hardy and Venom have their own physical and emotional “odd couple” symbiosis, with Venom wanting to roam the city stopping bad guys – principally by eating their heads – and Hardy doing his best to keep Venom in check.

Unfortunately, Venom: Let There Be Carnage would have needed translating into girl for me to like it more than I did. I’ll explain what I mean in a moment…

In which Nat talks briefly about the movies she’s been watching this week for no particular reason and that probably don’t warrant proper reviews, but hey? Wouldn’t it be nice if we all chatted about them anyway?

Just like at any other multiplex, the screens of the TMINE multiplex are themed. The first is usually the main attraction, a big new film that you can see in the cinema or on a streaming service. The second is likely to be a smaller film, perhaps one with fewer explosions or more dialogue.

Meanwhile, the other screens are going to be something more niche: something arthouse, something classic, something there just for the joy of it.

Guess what? Next week, I’m hoping to start a Russian cinema strand – for obvious reasons. See! Where else are you going to get that from?

Russia. The answer’s Russia, isn’t it? But you’ll probably need to have had Putin’s Sputnik to go back there – Боже мой! – and the visa process is a nightmare anyway, so the chances are you’re not going to get to return for a while. Soz!

So here is where it’s at!

At least, as the manageress of this cinema, that’s my plan. The TMINE Multiplex – and TMINE itself, as far as I can see – is really a non-profit operation, though, so as long as you’re all happy and you’re all entertained, that’s all I could ever hope and plan for, anyway.

That was the plan. However, this week, I was a little bit sabotaged. Oopsy. Scatty Natty.

You’ve already seen the main attraction this week, Dune (2021), so I can’t talk about it again here.

Another screen is out of order: Movie Night with my friend didn’t happen – life! Why are you so cruel?!

Another screen was probably a bit too warm and dark after a particularly carb-tastic tea: I was going to watch Green Lantern (2011) with my husband, but we both fell asleep while we were watching it. At the same point. Like a minute apart. I saw his eyes close and then felt mine go, too. It was so spooky!

Plus it turns out Rob reviewed it when it came out (if you can call that a review 🤣).

Pfft.

This has basically robbed me of a chance to talk about and post pictures of Ryan Reynolds in his underwear.

Pfft again.

(For what it’s worth, for the life of me, based on those scenes of Ryan Reynolds in his underwear, I have no idea why my identical twin sister chose to divorce Ryan Reynolds at this time. I don’t think even Green Lantern can be blamed for that.)

Maybe it’s for the best. It’s a really mean-spirited superhero movie, as well as very stupid. It’s so bad, Ryan Reynolds regularly disowns it, even in other movies.

He and Taika Waititi both try to disown it in fact.

But it does have one of the best ever scenes in a superhero movie, so it’s not totally awful, even if it can send two people to sleep simultaneously.

So this week, I’m only doing one movie and it’s showing in screen eight, which is that really small door down by the gents that you only ever see used by the ghost who runs the projection equipment – and only when the rest of his Legion are marching down the old Roman road.

It doesn’t really count as a movie, since it’s only seven minutes long. You also might never get to see it. It’s been shown at various film festivals and you can currently see it at the Free Speech Film Festival, but the movie’s PR people say it’s “too soon to say” if it’ll be available to view online.

But let’s talk about Footsteps on the Wind (2021) and Sting after the jump. I’ll get the wine from the bar. Do you think we can drink a whole bottle in seven minutes? I know I can, but how about you?

Directed by: Denis Villeneuve
Writers: Jon Spaihts (screenplay), Denis Villeneuve (screenplay), Eric Roth (screenplay)
On general release in the UK from 22 October

Feature adaptation of Frank Herbert’s science fiction novel, about the son of a noble family entrusted with the protection of the most valuable asset and most vital element in the galaxy.

Nat says: ‘Wow’

How do I love thee, Dune? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love Dune (1984) almost as much, I really do. I’ve loved it almost all my life. But I feel my head being turned by a young, good-looking new arrival who has made my heart soar.

It is Dune (2021), directed by Denis Villeneuve, and it is a love letter to both Dune and me that I cannot ignore. It is a wonderful, dazzingly beautiful piece of work that’s almost too true to the original book for its own good, but whose power and vision is undeniable.

I’m going to really tie myself up in knots trying to explain the plot. So instead, I’ll let Princess Irulan tell you what Dune is all about rather than try to explain it myself.

The biggest difference between Dune (2021) and Dune (1984) is that this is Dune – Part One. Only half the novel has been adapted, as Villeneuve couldn’t compress the whole book into two and half hours. There’s a cliffhanger both in the story and IRL, here, since as of yet, part two hasn’t been filmed. If you don’t go and watch this, there won’t be a part two.

Just between you and me, let me tell you something – there needs to be a part two.

In which Nat talks briefly about the movies she’s been watching this week for no particular reason and that probably don’t warrant proper reviews, but hey? Wouldn’t it be nice if we all chatted about them anyway?

I only act like I know everything, Rogers

Black Widow, Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

The TMINE multiplex is open again – and I promise you that unlike all the other cinemas in town, we won’t be showing No Time To Die (2021) on every screen, as we had an exclusive showing on Tuesday.

This week, we’ll be showing three movies. Somehow – I’m a secret genius! – I’ve themed them as a series of confessions… or maybe admissions:

• Screen 1: Infinite (2021)
• Screen 2: The Green Knight (2021)
• Screen 3: Batman Begins (2005)

Then we can all hit the bar! In this dress and these shoes, I’m not going to be dancing for too long, but if you could get me a mojito, that would be super-sweet of you. Is that okay?