UK TV

Review: Doctor Who – 2×8 – The Impossible Planet

The Impossible Planet

Well that was rather good, wasn’t it? It’s been a long time since we’ve had a proper horror story on Who* and they really pulled out all the stops this time to give us a 12A version of Event Horizon. In fact, it was all rather unsettling, almost as unsettling as going to the BBC’s Doctor Who site right now with the sound on your computer turned on. Go on, I dare you.

Back to the plot.

The Doctor and Rose land on a really alien, far away planet that (yes, yes!) looks very much like a quarry. Actually, they land in a mining colony. Good old mining colonies. What would Doctor Who do without them? Or quarries for that matter.

It’s an old planet, with writing on the walls so archaic the TARDIS can’t translate it. The planet is in geostationary orbit round a black hole, which, as the Doctor points out to make sure everyone gets the episode title, is impossible. They also find the Ood, who are some odd slave-creatures with tentacles for mouths and who like to communicate telepathically.

So far, so creepy. But we then skulk around in the dark for 45 minutes, having the heebie-jeebies put into us, as it becomes apparent that there’s something rather scary and demonic buried below the surface of the planet – something that’s already having a rather scary effect on the Ood, as well as the inhabitants of the mining colony.

I really, really liked this one. There were some genuinely frightening moments that should hopefully still have younger viewers traumatised. Direction, set design, effects, dialogue, plotting: all were first rate. And for the first time since the show came back last year, there was some decent, atmospheric incidental music that didn’t make you cringe in despair.

Billie Piper finally relocated her acting talent this episode and turned in a fine performance. David Tennant** was on good action hero form, but it was also nice to see the Doctor getting to be all scientific for the first time in 20-odd years, de-stigmatising maths for school kids everywhere and thus bumping up the UK’s future GDP by a couple of points. The cliffhanger was a little drawn out, but the impending coming of the Beast from the pit was a fantastic ending all the same.

All in all, it seems, much like last year, that it’s not till around episode eight that the production team really manage to get their groove back. But when they do, they really can turn in some fine tele. Unlike last year, though, which had about two episodes that I would voluntarily watch again (maybe only one, actually), there’s four from this season that I’d happily watch again, so clearly they’re improving as well.

One last thing: it seems that if you want to someone to do the voice of Satan and you want it done right, you need to hire Gabriel Woolf. Last heard on Doctor Who as the voice of Sutekh in Pyramids of Mars (Sutekh/Set/Satan – you see?), a performance that scared the bejesus out the nation and Mary Whitehouse back in 1975, the delightful 73-year-old made a triumphantly scary return as the voice of the Beast. I think he needs to start voicing his own greetings card range. He’d make a fortune.

PS: Not sure what long-term Who fans are going to make of a third explanation for Satan on the show***, but frankly who cares?

Footnotes to avoid my relentless parenthetic text

*Tooth and Claw was of the horror genre but not especially horrifying, unless you find the idea of a man turning into a wolf horrifying. Which it isn’t.

David Tennant as Casanova** Sigh. Here you go.

*** Fourth if you count The Awakening

Commercials

Pot Noodle advert racist?

The latest series of Pot Noodle adverts have received 37 complaints, saying they’re racist towards the Welsh. Not sure you can actually be racist to the Welsh (Jingoist? Xenophobic? Nationist?), them not actually being a separate race and all, but the complaints are in, all the same.

I’m in two minds, myself. Can you oppress and stereotype a group of people as miners?

“Look at yous. You’re all a bunch of miners.”

Not really that upsetting, is it? It’s up there in the insult stakes with Nick Hancock’s put-down of Londoners: “Oh, go and sell some fruit and veg.”

But, as in all things, it’s the feelings of those on the receiving end that count more, and so far the reaction from the Welsh has mostly been, “Quite funny, really”, so it looks like the complaints are for nothing.

Philip MadocAnyway, I can forgive the ad most things, since it’s voiced by Philip Madoc, one of the best actors who’s ever lived and the Welshest Welshman alive. They’re aren’t many people that can star in their own hard-hitting crime drama, A Mind to Killl (aka Heliwr), shoot two versions of every episode simultaneously – one in Welsh and one in English – and be fantastic in both.

All the same, here’s the Pot Noodle advert, so you can make up your own mind (hopefully, not to kill).

FX considering some odd shows

US male-oriented network FX is considering some odd shows for its new season. We have Courtney Cox as the editor-in-chief of two celebrity tabloids in Dirt. Sounds a bit like Just Shoot Me played straight, although Ian Hart as a schizophrenic photographer? What’s going on there?

Weirder still is Lowlife, starring Minnie Driver and Eddie Izzard as a pair of married con artists. It’s a mesmerising concept, but I’m not sure if it has potential either to be picked up or to be good. Two British, not very hard leads in an FX show? Maybe not.

Ian Fleming’s BS continued

Stu and I were having a nice little chat about Ian Fleming’s capacity for BS, back on my earlier laugh at the psychology in The Man with the Golden Gun. Stu you are so right. Fleming was the king of BS.

I’m working my way through Goldfinger now, having previously only thumbed through it a couple of times in a book shop, and came to this cracking piece of martial arts BS. The Korean Oddjob, Goldfinger’s chauffeur, has just smacked his way through some oak bannisters on a staircase as a demo of his fighting power.

Bond: I was very impressed by that chauffeur of yours. Where did he learn that fantastic combat stuff? Where did it come from? Is that what the Koreans use?

Goldfinger: Have you ever heard of karate? No? Well that man is one of the three men in the world that have achieved the black belt in karate. Karate is a branch of judo… Karate is based on the theory that the human body has five striking surfaces and 37 vulnerable spots…

Wow. That man can really tell porkies. I’m in awe.