Space Cadets: they all deserve to lose

Anybody been watching Space Cadets? Not many of you, judging by the ratings. If you haven’t, don’t. It’s another show from C4 designed purely to allow people to have a laugh at “dim-witted proles” (to borrow a Charlie Brooker phrase) – as you may have guessed from the show’s title. Can’t they come up with anything interesting or edifying? Of course not. They still employ Jimmy Carr.

Personally, I think they all should lose if they don’t know enough basic physics to understand weightlessness. “We’re not going to be in orbit high enough to escape the Earth’s gravitational field so you won’t be weightless.”. And they bought it! Retards.

Me? I’m only watching it since a friend of my sister is one of the undercover actors. They write a blog about cats. Now that’s edifying.

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Most Haunted isn’t a fraud – because it’s clearly made-up

Despite some of my previous comments, Most Haunted has been officially declared not to be a fraud.

Well almost. Let’s just have a look at that ruling a little closer:

The television watchdog ruled that the show contains “a high degree of showmanship that puts it beyond what we believe to be a generally accepted understanding of what comprises a legitimate investigation”. As such the show should be taken as produced for entertainment purposes, not to definitively inform the public of real incident of paranormal activity.

So, in other words, it’s not a fraud because only a moon calf would be so dim as to believe it’s anything other than cobblers from beginning to end. Completely vindicated then.

The Equalizer is back

Work on a movie of The Equalizer is back on course. For those who forget, The Equalizer was an occasionally good 80s show starring Edward Woodward as the hardest OAP in New York (okay, he was in his 50s at the time). If there was an injustice, he would right it with his CIA training and skills, usually violently. Not sure how much resonance it will have nowadays, given the plummeting crime rates in New York for the last decade: maybe they’ll shift it to Los Angeles, although changing the plot to “rich, white, English guy cleans up the violence of South Central” would make it walk a very thin tightrope, I reckon.

Woodward got the job as The Equalizer after the producers saw a few old episodes of Callan, one of the best British television shows ever made. I caught the first episode in a double bill with an episode of Danger Man at the NFT last Friday. Typical NFT audience (stop chatting, you scrotes: save it till the end) but everyone was quiet for Callan, the story of a former British government assassin blackmailed into working for his ex-employers again. Callan remains one of the most bleakly realistic shows ever made – only The Sandbaggers exceeds it as a realistic depiction of espionage. It paved the way for even grittier shows such as The Sweeney and Special Branch. Only the third and four seasons are available on DVD, although most of the first two black and white seasons do still exist and if you ever get a chance to see them, grab it. They make 24 look like the unrealistic cartoon it is, while pre-empting its theme that the “good guys” will often use the same ruthless techniques as the “bad guys”.

Danger Man, incidentally, was a slightly cartoony episode itself, improved only by the impressive Patrick McGoohan and its failure to use that tried and tested method of 60s spies dramas “everyone foreign speaks English, even when they’re by themselves”. Some of the Swiss German accents were iffy, but for the most part, the pronunciation was pretty good, giving the otherwise outlandish plot some grounding in reality, as McGoohan tries to infiltrate a dastardly plot without speaking the language of the locals.

Scary fact: Ian Hendry and Colin Blakely were identical twins during the 60s. Check it out and you’ll see that I’m right.