US TV

Preview: Eli Stone

Jonny Lee Miller and George Michael in Eli Stone

In the US: Thursdays, 10/9c, ABC. Starts January 31, 2008
In the UK: Not yet acquired

God. He’s a slippery old bugger, particularly when you’re trying to make him a central theme of a mainstream television show.

Do you spend your time trying to prove he doesn’t exist? No, because you’ll be boycotted in minutes by various pressure groups, and it’ll be roughly an hour before a network executive pulls the plug on you, even assuming you didn’t annoy all the God-fearing, red-state audiences into not watching you in the first place.

Or do you come over all fundamentalist (cf Saving Grace), thus annoying the Hell out Muslims, atheists, et al, as well as any other fundamentalists that don’t share your particular view of the Bible?

Eli Stone goes for the much-trodden, wishy washy middle-path. To quote one of the characters, for any event, “there are two interpretations: the scientific and the divine.” Yes, joining Signs and I Am Legend in the exciting world of inoffensive ambiguity is Eli Stone, prophet at large. Or maybe not. It’s up to you. Your decision. We’re not telling you anything.

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US TV

Christmas tele

An Electric Monk

Douglas Adams once wrote about an Electric Monk. The idea of the Electric Monk was that it was a labour saving device. As Adams put it, just as a dishwasher is there to wash dishes so that you don’t have to, and a video recorder is there to watch TV programmes so that you don’t have to, so the Electric Monk believes things for you, so that you don’t have to.

That was in the 80s, of course. Cross out video recorder and replace it with PVR and you have the 00s truism. Still no Electric Monks though. Curses. I really would like to believe ITV will get better one day – or at least have someone believe it for me.

Sitting on my PVR/Apple TV are the Christmas editions of Extras (I’m a third of the way through it and not enjoying it tremendously) and To the Manor Born (haven’t watched it but I’ve heard terrible things about it) to name but a couple, as well as a multitude of movies that I thought worth watching. I didn’t have to watch much of The Mothman Prophecies to realise it wasn’t, but I’ve still to make that determination on a number of things.

Plus I’m still glad to have Firefox, Quatermass and the Pit and Hawk the Slayer there, even if I’ll never watch them. That’s nostalgia for you.

In part the reason everything’s sitting there unwatched is because some mad fools bought me DVDs for Christmas/birthday, so I had too much to watch. It’s also because I’m not spending all of Christmas watching TV, even if it is the complete box set of Airwolf or Ulysses 31 (or, and don’t go too wild, Artemis 81. I do put some odd things on my Amazon wish list sometimes).

But I did watch a little. And even though it’s a good fortnight on, I thought I’d leave a couple of thoughts for posterity on Christmas with Gordon Ramsay, Heston Blumenthal’s Perfect Christmas Dinner and Doctor Who‘s Voyage of the Damned (other reviews are available and have been for a good long while now).

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Audio and radio play reviews

Review: Doctor Who – Return to the Web Planet

Return to the Web Planet

Mention The Web Planet to almost any Who-er, and you’ll likely as not get a great big smirk in response. It was a story written in the Hartnell days before anyone really ‘knew’ what Doctor Who stories were supposed to be like. A rather brave attempt at hard SF, it involved the planet Vortis, a world populated entirely by various giant-sized species of insect and absolutely no humans other than the Doctor and his companions.

Yes, giant butterflies, ants and larvae on a budget of £2 7s 6d, back before anyone had anything like the technology to do it properly. You can imagine what it was like, even if you’ve never seen it. Go on, imagine it.

Tee hee.

Fortunately, audio plays don’t have this problem so Big Finish, throwing the fifth Doctor and Nyssa at the world of the Menoptera, Zarbi and Venom Grubs, can let their imaginations run wild, content in the knowledge that we’ll do the rest of the work.

Yet somehow, it’s almost impossible not to think one thought while listening to Return to the Web Planet: “Tee hee”.

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