US TV

Review: The Wedding Bells

The Wedding Bells

In the US: Fridays, 9/8c, Fox

In the UK: Not yet acquired.

Some of you might be wondering why I never got round to reviewing the first episode of David E Kelley’s new series, The Wedding Bells, which aired last Friday in the US.

It’s cos it’s rubbish. It’s David E Kelley by numbers. Watch Ally McBeal or Boston Legal for a few episodes, imagine what a show by him about wedding planners would be like and you can fill in the blanks yourself. Don’t believe me? Okay, which of David E Kelley’s shows did this line come from: “When men are attracted to women, it’s chemical; with women, it’s cognitive”? Could be any of them, couldn’t it?

Anyway, I tried to sit down and say something about it, but my mind went completely blank, the show is that insipid.

Continue reading “Review: The Wedding Bells”

US TV

Third-episode verdict: The Winner

The Winner's Carusometer4-Major-Caruso

Poor Carusometer. How can you cope? First, The Black Donnellys. Now The Winner‘s messing around with the whole third-/fifth-episode verdict thing. Showing two episodes per week? Curse you, Fox.

Still, time to report back. It was all going so well, sort of, last week. While not the best comedy series in the world, pioneering nothing and having the usual anaemic female characters, The WInner still had a relatively high chuckle count.

This week, it went into a slow plummet as the show veered first into cringe comedy before hurling itself into blatantly offensive misogyny. It’s all very well having Rob Corddry as a 13 year old boy in a man’s body, but does he have to be the same rude, crude, stupid 13-year-old in every other US TV show since the dawn of time? Why couldn’t he have been a junior Alex Keaton or something? In the first few episodes, he had a certain innocence, but now, he’s offensive and not particularly funny.

So disappointing.

The Medium is Not Enough hereby declares The Winner is a 4 or “Major Caruso” on The Carusometer quality scale. A Major Caruso corresponds to a show that David Caruso might exec produce or star in, ensuring that every script consists entirely of one-liners, fat-jokes and pratfalls. If anyone questions his decisions, he will tell them to watch ‘real comedians’ like Carrot Top or Jim Davidson, who only coincidentally have red hair.

US TV

Third-episode verdict: The Black Donnellys

Black Donnellys Carusometer3 Minor Caruso

It’s very confusing trying to pass a third-episode verdict on The Black Donnellys. Apart from the fact, I haven’t seen the pilot episode in some time and there have been a few changes made to it (like the addition of Kate Mulgrew to the cast. Plus I’m pretty sure someone died in the first episode yet he’s still around by the third. How odd), there’s also been a web-exclusive episode that advanced the plot a bit but hasn’t aired on television. So is this the fourth-episode verdict, the third-episode or the third-and-a-halvth? Oh so tricky.

Anyway, whatever aired this week, it’s time to pass verdict since I don’t especially want to watch any more episodes.

As you may recall, the pilot episode had a really rubbish first half and a really very good second half. That’s pretty much how the show has continued since, with each episode having a deeply dull first half followed by a clever second half. The unreliable narrator technique is still working nicely and provides some much-needed amusement, since otherwise, all the episodes would revolve around what to do with dead bodies and how to make sure this, that or the other Donnelly brother doesn’t get killed because of all the dead bodies.

All the same, I’ve lost interest. If this is “the Irish Sopranos as some claim”, I’m glad I’ve never got round to watch the actual Sopranos, because relentless turf wars, recriminations over murders and obvious idiots being obviously idiotic isn’t a great wait to spend time. I see next week, for instance, Tommy goes to the wake of another man he killed. Wasn’t that this week’s episode?

So The Medium is Not Enough declares that The Black Donnellys is a three or “Minor Caruso” on The Carusometer quality scale. A Minor Caruso corresponds to “a show in which David Caruso might guess star. If the show features Irish characters, he will make much of his Irish heritage, claiming that it gives him more insight than ‘those so-called writers’, adding frequent references to the script about Blarney Stones, Lucky Charms, curling and potatoes, as well as putting on an accent that ‘only lesser talents’ than he would describe as ‘sounding more like Scottish or maybe Pakistani’.”

Audio and radio play reviews

Review: Doctor Who – Nocturne

 Drwho Main Graphics Bf092 Nocturne Big“Dear Valued Big Finish customer,

Congratulations on your purchase of our latest audio play, Nocturne, starring Sylvester McCoy, Sophie Aldred and Philip Olivier. To help us improve our customer service and future output, could you complete this brief survey and return it to us as soon as possible?

1 From the following list, please pick the thing you’d rather do most than have to listen to Nocturne again

a) Receive a pick axe to the base of your skull

b) Be tethered to an anthill while slathered in honey

c) Be fed one of your own limbs after having it removed by a chainsaw-wielding serial killer

2 Please suggest further uses for your Nocturne CDs

a) Turning them into throwing disks for Raston Warrior Robots

b) Coasters

c) Pimping our rides”

Continue reading “Review: Doctor Who – Nocturne”

Tuesday’s news

Ooh. No train to catch today. Time for some leisurely news.

Film

  • Talks are on for Constantine 2. Why?
  • Gerard Butler is to be Snake Plissken in an Escape from New York remake. Maybe.
  • Watchmen stuff

Commercials

  • Oh goody. Another Coke Zero ad, this one with Wayne Rooney. Sounds better than the last one, though. [free registration required]

Theatre/Doctor Who

British TV



US TV

  • Which shows are doomed and which shows are coming back next season
  • An interview with Malcolm McDowell about his appearance in Heroes
  • A great big blow-by-blow account of a crucial scene in the next episode of Heroes
  • Spoilers from Kristin, including an unexpected promotion to series regular for one Heroes character next season; some deceased Lost characters are back in flashbacks; plus Ugly Betty stuff.
  • Life on Mars has been pushed back, because they’re having trouble finding a lead.
  • Moves are afoot to cut back on the Law & Order franchises
  • Eliza Dushku comes back to Fox for a soapy drama about nurses
  • Christina Applegate, Jean Smart and Amy Brenneman get pilots. Plus Melanie Griffiths gets a recurring role in Viva Laughlin!
  • So Rob Morrow, Fisher Stevens and Chad Lowe go skiing. And they get lost. It’s not a joke, but it is funny.