Big Brother has come and gone. Various comments have been made, as per usual, about how it’s been the worst one ever, clearly by people who never watched Big Brothers 1-6. I actually think it’s my favourite so far, although there was a fair share of irritating people in there.
It was Pete wot won it and I’m glad. He was a nice guy and deserved it.
Back when it started, though, I gave my first impressions of the various contestants. How did I do?
What I said: “Got boos before she’d even got into the house, chiefly for sounding stupid/slutty/Northern (delete according to expected prejudices of the audience). Probably going to turn out to be extremely dull, judging by her reactions to the other housemates, suggesting her claims of getting naked at every possible moment might be overstated. At first glance, objectionable, but probably won’t be in practice.”
Was I right? You betcha. Not very interesting, not very objectionable. First one to be evicted.
What I said:: “Claimed to have no friends or interest in friends. Clearly that was some other Dawn smiling and socialising with the other contestants then. Says she likes reading, spending time by herself, etc. Well that’s just awful, isn’t it? Actually, if anything’s going to put off the 15-21 year old voting public, it’s the reading bit, although given the lack of books in the house, that probably won’t come to the fore.”
Was I right? Turned out to be a bit of a nutter who left of her own volition in the first week. Is now suing the programme for misrepresentation. I was right about the reading not coming to the fore, I guess.
What I said:: “Typical ex-public schoolboy (smoking to look like a bad boy, etc). Probably quite nice, actually, although I have a conditioned visceral hatred of people like that. Could have some interesting tales to tell about his aristocratic relatives, but I wouldn’t want to share a house with him for any length of time. Will probably get loads of votes every week though.”
Was I right? Given he ejected himself from the house in the first week, I was certainly wrong about the vote count. But given he did eject himself from the house because he didn’t want to be famous, he probably was quite nice, after all.
What I said: “Oh, he’s from North Wales! That’s not proper Wales! They’re all a bit twp up there (allegedly. And it’s not me doing the alleging). Not sure exactly what he brings to the house since his personality seems to revolve mainly around swimming, being skinny and being Welsh. But seems nice enough at the moment.”
Was I right? Well, he was certainly a bit twp, wondering why 40-year-old married Suzie didn’t want to play spin the bottle with him. And his personality did very much revolve around being Welsh. But he was indeed ‘nice enough’. Good call, Rob.
What I said:: “Another posh person. This time, a Sloane dance teacher with negligible Sloane accent. Seems quite nice, but has amazingly poor dress sense for anyone other a French onion seller, despite claims to being a style goddess who loves designer clothes. This year’s ‘pleasant posh girl’.”
Was I right? No! I was amazingly wrong. She was an evil bitch queen from the Planet Bitch! She seemed nicer on the outside though.
What I said: “The other Welsh person in the BB village. Clearly thought she was going to be the only one until Glyn popped up. As my wife put it, ‘What do they think they’re doing, putting someone from South Wales in with someone from North Wales? Don’t they know what’s going to happen?’ My favourite to win, provided there’s no North/South carnage, since pleasingly, rather than spend all her time droning on about just how wild she was going to be, she emphasised her A-levels and her degree as her best attributes.”
Was I right? Apart from a bitchy starting period, Imogen seemed quite nice by the end and her continual bonding with Glyn in Welsh was a high point of the series for me.
What I said: “Says she has the largest breast implants in the UK, which is entirely possible. Almost certainly has no chance in Hell of winning as a result. I’m not sure it’s the best idea in the world to put someone, who got the largest implants in the country to overcome her low self-esteem as a result of being bullied as a child, into the country’s largest bullying pit but maybe I’m just not getting this Big Brother thing.”
Was I right? Well, she went a bit mental towards the end, so I think my fears for her sanity were justified. And she didn’t stand a chance in Hell of winning, either, so I was spot on here. Wowzers.
What I said: “At the moment, seems to be emphasising the fact that she’s Chinese but has a Northern accent. Amazing! Unheard of! Not sure that’ll get her through the entire BB run, though. Nothing objectionable about her at the moment and seems to be one of the few people with a self-professed ‘bubbly personality’ that you don’t want to see dumped into a cesspit immediately.”
Was I right? Well, she didn’t make it to the end, not by a long margin, so I was right there. But the fact that it turned out her mouth was the cesspit was slightly unexpected and she did become a bit objectionable thanks to Grace. Not really a success for me there.
What I said: “Really the only truly objectionable human being on the list, although I suspect his ‘all women should be subservient to men’ line is really just a pulling posture. Will probably last a long time in the show, thanks to his good looks. (Did that sound gay?)”
Was I right? Well, see Nikki’s entry first. But his line was exactly what I suspected – a line – and he did last a long time on the show, almost to the final week in fact. And it did sound a bit gay.
What I said: “Actually, I lied. Here’s the other objectionable human being. Says she wants nothing more in the world than to marry a rich man, preferably a footballer, so she can do nothing all day. Will never win the actual show, assuming she maintains this claim in the house, thanks to the morality-vetting voting public, but will get into Nuts, Zoo and FHM within seconds of leaving the house – which is presumably why she went in there in the first place.”
Was I right? So very right in every single aspect of my analysis…
What I said: “A rock star with Tourette’s Syndrome. Interesting. This one’s a tricky one for me. On the one hand, it would be nice for a guy with Tourette’s to win the show, although ‘Big Brother as gateway to acceptance by society’ is wearing a bit thin (Yes a man helping someone with Down’s Syndrome can win! Yes, a gay man can win! Yes, a woman can win! Yes a Scottish Christian can win! Yes a transsexual Portuguese woman can win! Yes, a self-loving twat from Newcastle can win! And so on). On the other hand, there’s too much of the Lee Evans about him for my liking.”
Was I right? Another gold-plated one for me here. He did however manage to insert enough of a distance between himself and Lee Evans to make that particular issue less worrisome for me.
What I said:: “Again a tricky one. A butch-gay Canadian with a phobia of pregnant women would be an entertaining winner. But I imagine he’s going to get irritating quickly, unless he finds some other personality aspects to expose. I think he’s likely to make it to the final few, barring the usual randomness of task results.”
Was I right? Well, he did get irritating very quickly, being up for nomination every week. And he made it to fourth place, which was pretty impressive. Ooh, I was on a roll, wasn’t I?
What I said: “Another posh boy. What’s up with all the posh people this year? This one’s a stockbroker or something. Came across as a bit of twannock and maybe he and George combined can bring about the long-awaited class uprising this country has been promised for so long. But not the utter chinless wonder/Thatcherite-lapdog you might have expected, so could turn out to be all right.”
Was I right? Turned out to be pure evil. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
What I said: “A gay muslim from Scotland. Excellent. Again, seems like a reasonable person, although his high-pitched camping is turning him into this year’s Marco already. But he’s likeable enough that you still don’t want to punch him as a result, which is something Marco could never claim. Suspect he’s going to make it to the end of the series as well. Likes knitting apparently.”
Was I right? Like the BB psychologists, I was absolutely wrong on this one. He turned out to be a complete fruitloop who threatened to kill himself inside the first week.
My original call for Glyn to win, on the grounds that all of Wales would be voting for him, turned out to be very close to the mark, since Glyn came in second. So not bad. Not outstanding or spooky. Not like the year I predicted Kate Lawler would win from the moment I saw her audition tape. That success will probably not be repeated. But still pretty on the money with most of them.