So we've been hanging around for Caprica to turn up for ages now. I reviewed the pilot episode (an extended version of episode one with extra nudity and fun) back in April of last year, so this has had a lot of gestation time.
Yet, despite all that planning, this prequel to Battlestar Galactica is really quite desperately dull and uninvolving. Now, I do like the fact it's trying to do some proper sci-fi: this has both ideas and real characters with real emotions.
But the characters are simply dull and uninspiring. I don't care about them at all. The kids are all gits and terrorists who are going to end up causing an epic war; the adults are insipid and stupid. Despite the fact the apocalypse and destruction of humanity isn't for more than 40 years, no one can tell a joke, go shopping or have fun – okay, everyone's bereaved and/or a fundamentalist, but all the same, there should be a few people enjoying themselves during the heyday of the colonies, surely?
Minor niggles
The Taurons have mysteriously become Greek – although they call their gods by their Roman names (despite BSG using the Greek names) and can't work out whether they're speaking Ancient Greek or Modern Greek (because Lord knows that's not how you pronounce Αδελφός μου in Modern Greek yet shop signs are in Modern Greek). How did that happen? It's no biggie, since it's not as if Caprica, which is increasingly American in its vision of the home worlds, is depicting the home worlds identically to America. It's just odd that they're doing it right now, and messing up the gods' names when they were so consistent before.
Please stop Peter Wingfield from doing American accents. He's a great actor with his own accent, so why does he keep trying to be American?
The theme music is awful and reminds me of Friday The 13th: The Series way too much
Why, if the 12 colonies are capable of interstellar flight, hyperspace jumps, virtual reality and artificial intelligence, are they still using wobbly VHS tapes to record things?
After BSG steered so pleasing clear of technojargon, why, on the soap opera family version of it, are we suddenly being treated to reams and reams of the stuff?
I do admire certain aspects of the show: it's doing some interesting riffs on the nature of soul, how we treat machines, etc. The switch between Zoe and the Cylon to demonstrate her soul is still there is creepily ghosty. It manages to depict a convincingly futuristic world on a small budget. The idea of having the monotheists as religious nuts who want to kill people and the polytheists as nice types who wouldn't hurt flies is challenging.
But it's just so boring and worthy. I know how the story ends already, so it's the journey that counts, but I'd like my fellow travellers to be a little more interesting if I'm going to go on it.
PS Interesting to note a police reunion here, since Wingfield and Brian Markinson, who plays one of the 'FBI' types, were partners on Touching Evil.
Carusometer rating: 3 Rob's prediction: Probably will last a season, but I wouldn't bet there'd be much more than that. The BSG factor might be enough to keep it going though.
In the US/UK: Sometime in 2010
Available from Amazon.co.uk on BluRay import
The Cylons were created by man. They evolved. They rebelled. They look and feel human. Some are programmed to think they are human. There are many copies. And they have a plan.
Unfortunately for them, it's rubbish, and they can't make up their minds about what to do. At least, that's what Battlestar Galactica: The Plan appears to suggest. A final "milk it for all it's worth" effort before it becomes impossible to get the actors in the same place, it's more like a director's commentary than a worthwhile addition to a TV classic's range.
In the US: Fridays, 9/8c , SyFy In the UK: Tuesdays, 8pm, Sky1/Sky1 HD
We're three episodes into Stargate Universe (if we count the launch movie as a two-parter, which we do since the producers do), so time for a third-episode verdict.
On the whole, not bad. I'm not feeling enthused by it, but coming out of episode three – which actually made a brave stab at not being either Stargate Anything or Battlestar Galactica – I'm feeling pleasantly surprised by the whole experience.
In the US: Fridays, 9pm, SyFy In the UK: Tuesdays, 9pm, Sky 1/Sky 1 HD. Starts tonight!
It's odd how genres change. Look at science fiction. For over 10 years, Stargate SG-1 was it as far as sci-fi was concerned, having in turn inherited its mantle and style from Star Trek: The Next Generation: amiable wisecracking soldiers with no personal lives turn up on planets full of primitive people, have fights with bad aliens in silly costumes then kill them all. Everything's right in the world again. Nothing truly bad happens. The end.
Then Battlestar Galactica came along. Suddenly, all that went out the window, in favour of grittiness, misery, handheld cameras and terrible things happening to everyone. And Stargate started to look silly - well, sillier. Stargate Atlantis suffered even more from that and as a result, only made it to half the run of Stargate SG-1, despite its best efforts.
Now we have Stargate Universe, which while pretty impressive in a lot of ways, is kind of like 'Battlestar Galactica lite' - it's BSG but with half the depth. While it's light years ahead of Stargate in tone, it's still not quite the show it wants to be. But you never know.
About the blog
This is a UK media blog with daily news, views, exclusive reviews and good conversation. There's a bit of a bias towards the latest and greatest US TV, but we also cover British TV ranging from new Doctor Who to old Z Cars, Property Ladder to Big Brother, and BBC4 to S4C – yes, this blog is firmly part of the conspiracy to promote all things Welsh where possible, particularly Caerdydd.
Add in film, theatre, art, books, events and media journalism and you've (hopefully) got one of the best places on the web for media lovers. Oh yes, and there's The Carusometer, the ultimate guide to quality TV.
About me
I'm Rob Buckley, a freelance journalist who writes for UK media magazines that most people have never heard of. I've edited Dreamwatch, Sprocket and Cambridge Film Festival Daily; been technical editor for trade magazine Televisual; reviewed films for the short-lived newspaper Cambridge Insider; written features for the even shorter-lived newspaper Soho Independent; and contributed sarcastic articles about television to the blink-and-you-missed-it "web site for urban hedonists" The Tribe. I'm freelance now and have contributed to the likes of Broadcast, Total Content + Media, Action TV, Off The Telly and TV Scoop. Have pity on me.
Read more on Monday's Sitting Tennant (week 11, 2010)