Now along comes another bad idea to the world of Doctor Who. Big Finish are going to adapt these stage plays and turn them into audio plays, trying to be as faithful as possible to the original productions, no matter how arse they were. They're even hiring as much of the original cast as possible, no matter how appalling they were, too.
First up is The Ultimate Adventure, a stage play from the 80s that featured first Jon Pertwee then Colin Baker (and occasionally understudy David Banks) as the Doctor. Written by Terrence Dicks, it also features the Daleks, the Cybermen, mercenaries and - oh my God - songs.
The Daleks have allied themselves with the Cybermen and a deadly band of mercenaries. The future of Earth depends upon a vital peace conference. And Mrs T knows that only one Time Lord can save the world.
There are epic battles. There are betrayals. There is love, and there even songs.
Is it any good?
On no level could this remotely be described as good. This is panto without the benefit of an audience or a cast you can join in with. Instead, you have to sit through interminable singing, ridiculous plotting, and appalling French accents all by yourself, unless some streak of viciousness caused you to persuade someone else to listen to the play with you.
Colin Baker does at least do a good job as the Doctor - as he always does these days - and David Banks, usually the Cyberleader on TV but here playing a mercenary, as he did in the stage show, isn't bad either. It's just everything else is awful. No proper companions, just made up French aristos and nightclub singers. I would rather rip off my head than have to listen to this again. Okay, I probably wouldn't, but you get my point.
If you're six years old, you might enjoy this, particularly if you and your little friends can dance in the aisle together and dress up as Daleks with Blue Peter knitwear. Everyone else, shoot anyone on sight if they have a copy of it.
Colin Baker (The Doctor)
Noel Sullivan (Jason)
Claire Huckle (Crystal)
David Banks (Karl)
Nadine Cox (Delilah / Mrs T)
Bryan Pilkington (Nightclub MC)
Derek Carlyle (Envoy / Zog)
Nicholas Briggs (Daleks/Cybermen)
Writer: Terrance Dicks
Audio adaptation: Terrance Dicks
Director: Jason Haigh-Ellery